I promised myself I would never get on here and apologize over and over again for not posting often enough, so please do not consider this an apology. I am just going to say I will make no promises about how often I blog. Not at this stage in my life! Things are B-U-S-Y here, and I’m just going to drop in when I can and try not to worry it about it when I can’t.
So I’ve been parked in the book of Philippians for the last month, and in the next few posts, I would love to share some of my observations with you.
Last year, I studied Philippians, courtesy of one of Kay Arthur’s inductive Bible Studies, along with a group of awesome ladies from my old church (miss you!). But God drew me back to Philippians many times this year.
I’ve read this tiny little book since I was young. I can actually remember memorizing Philippians 2:1-11 in 2nd grade with Mrs. Carpenter’s class. But last Spring, when we were breaking it all down, I couldn’t get over my skepticism. The way Paul talked about these Philippian believers seemed suspiciously overstated to me. Here’s how he puts it:
I thank my God every time I remember you....In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy...God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus...you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown...
My reaction was something like this: Does anyone really feel that way about people—who are not their spouse or their children, their family or closest friends? I had a hard time taking Paul at his word, believing he was real. And deep down, that didn’t sit well with me.
Over the last year, the Lord revealed some of my self-centeredness to me. And let me tell you, it’s a whole lot easier to deal with my revelations of my husband’s selfishness or the obvious bouts of selfishness in my children. I can tell them just what they need to do to fix it, if they’ll listen. But, me? The one who gives so much of her life to the calling of Motherhood??? Selfish? Huh?
I’m joking, of course, but it’s not funny. See, if I look around, I tend to feel pretty normal. I measure up, or maybe even seem a little above average when it comes to selfishness. I didn’t see it as much of a problem for me. And it’s not, if I measure myself against “the norm”. But against God’s Word? Well, that’s a different story.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4, NIV)
Think about these verses for a few minutes. They’re completely contrary to our culture’s philosophy of self:
It’s all about me…
Do what makes you happy…
Look to yourself…
Maybe without knowing it, some of that has slipped in to your own heart. Read those verses again, and let it sink in. It’s really easy to let your heart get clouded with ideas that oppose God’s ideas.
So what are we to do when we find ourselves living in the land of self? Like I said, I can tell anybody else how to fix it, quick. :)
I started praying that God would give me His eyes for people, let me see them the way He does. Some were a little more difficult for me to understand. Some I knew He had put in my life for me to love. I continue to pray this, and He continues to help me see why Paul longed for his people in that way.
I have also been asking God to show me how to get rid of selfish ambition in my life, and to help me care for the interests of others. Sometimes, I’ve been caught off guard at the ways He has prompted me to care. It has often been simply through my words. Words I normally would have held back out of fear. But words God planted in my heart and wanted someone to hear.
I sit here today to tell you that God is so good. Seek Him, and He will show you the way, every little detail of the way, for you.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11, NIV
Monday, June 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Ressurection-Egg-Easter-Celebration-Disaster
Easter snuck up on me this year. Last week, we vacationed in Switzerland, and the week before, we prepared for vacation in Switzerland. This week, I dug my way out of great stacks of paperwork that called for my attention, restocked the fridge, caught up on sleep… Suddenly, it’s almost Easter! I want to celebrate what Jesus did for us!
I made plans, and sometimes that's where I get stuck. I made great plans in my head for how I would relate the Easter story to my little people once again. I even assumed how they would respond to the greatest story ever told. It was going to be heavenly.
Instead, they begged to have another indoor Easter egg hunt rather than going through the Ressurection Eggs. But I put my foot down, trying to convince them this was just as fun.
I tried to engage them in the story while they fought over who got to open each egg. I persevered, fluctuating my voice and asking questions at every turn. They answered me with lines they heard watching the Three Stooges at Nana's house last week, laughing all the way.
Then, they asked questions that had nothing to do with the story at hand. “Is Connor turning 6 at his party?”... “How many days until our friends come to hunt for Easter eggs?”...“Are you putting candy in these Mom, or just stickers like last time?”
It was a tug of war, and I lost. I wanted to scream.
Finally, I closed up Ressurection-Egg shop, and said we’d finish them later. I was sad. Very, very sad. They knew the story and the answers to the questions, but they didn’t grasp the importance of what Jesus did for us! The eggs before me held the reason for our hope, our future. And they would have none of it.
This is everything, I thought. And they just don’t get it.
They’re still in the living room, wrestling around on the floor like bear cubs, cracking up laughing over the silly ways they can group simple words. One says, “Don’t bite the ducky cake!” and the other, “It’s my thinking cap burger!” And they laugh hysterically.
When will they know? When will they see?
When did I see? I mean, I knew when I was young. I knew something anyway. But I didn’t see.
I didn’t understand the weightiness, the urgency of Jesus--or Easter--or the cross.
I didn’t love Him with my whole heart.
I didn’t understand the depth of my need for Him.
And how did the Maker of my soul look on me then? How long did He yearn for me to understand?
Instead of roaring, "Don't you understand the importance of all this???", He dealt with me patiently.
While I peaked through eyelids halfway closed, He allowed pieces of His heart to shine in, through His Word and His people, ushering me slowly to a place of repentance, rest, quietness, and trust. He continues escorting me there, as I have such a hard time keeping my eyes fixed on Him and off of me.
So my Ressurection-Egg-Easter-Celebration turned into a little disaster, but maybe my plans needed to be altered a bit. Maybe later we'll hunt for ressurection eggs and share the Easter story in little bits and pieces. We can end with a piece of candy, and I can remind them how sweet it is to love and trust in Jesus. Yeah, that's a good plan...
In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
But you would have none of it.
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion,
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him.
Isaiah 30:15 & 18, NIV
I made plans, and sometimes that's where I get stuck. I made great plans in my head for how I would relate the Easter story to my little people once again. I even assumed how they would respond to the greatest story ever told. It was going to be heavenly.
Instead, they begged to have another indoor Easter egg hunt rather than going through the Ressurection Eggs. But I put my foot down, trying to convince them this was just as fun.
I tried to engage them in the story while they fought over who got to open each egg. I persevered, fluctuating my voice and asking questions at every turn. They answered me with lines they heard watching the Three Stooges at Nana's house last week, laughing all the way.
Then, they asked questions that had nothing to do with the story at hand. “Is Connor turning 6 at his party?”... “How many days until our friends come to hunt for Easter eggs?”...“Are you putting candy in these Mom, or just stickers like last time?”
It was a tug of war, and I lost. I wanted to scream.
Finally, I closed up Ressurection-Egg shop, and said we’d finish them later. I was sad. Very, very sad. They knew the story and the answers to the questions, but they didn’t grasp the importance of what Jesus did for us! The eggs before me held the reason for our hope, our future. And they would have none of it.
This is everything, I thought. And they just don’t get it.
They’re still in the living room, wrestling around on the floor like bear cubs, cracking up laughing over the silly ways they can group simple words. One says, “Don’t bite the ducky cake!” and the other, “It’s my thinking cap burger!” And they laugh hysterically.
When will they know? When will they see?
When did I see? I mean, I knew when I was young. I knew something anyway. But I didn’t see.
I didn’t understand the weightiness, the urgency of Jesus--or Easter--or the cross.
I didn’t love Him with my whole heart.
I didn’t understand the depth of my need for Him.
And how did the Maker of my soul look on me then? How long did He yearn for me to understand?
Instead of roaring, "Don't you understand the importance of all this???", He dealt with me patiently.
While I peaked through eyelids halfway closed, He allowed pieces of His heart to shine in, through His Word and His people, ushering me slowly to a place of repentance, rest, quietness, and trust. He continues escorting me there, as I have such a hard time keeping my eyes fixed on Him and off of me.
So my Ressurection-Egg-Easter-Celebration turned into a little disaster, but maybe my plans needed to be altered a bit. Maybe later we'll hunt for ressurection eggs and share the Easter story in little bits and pieces. We can end with a piece of candy, and I can remind them how sweet it is to love and trust in Jesus. Yeah, that's a good plan...
In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
But you would have none of it.
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion,
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him.
Isaiah 30:15 & 18, NIV
Monday, March 23, 2009
Part 4 of 4--The Highway of Unfamiliar Exits
So the highway of life has been full of unfamiliar exits. I've always hated to drive in places I was unfamiliar with. As long as I can stay on the freeway, I'm good. But if I have to get off, I need step-by-step, thorough directions. That's just not the way real life is though.
Exit #1--We knew for months that God was calling us out of our current church, which we had grown to love for ten years. We continued to pray and stay put for a while, just to make sure God really wanted us to leave there and have a new start at a church plant.
We were very comfortable at our old church. There was nothing wrong with it. And we were surrounded by friends there. Why would God want to remove us from our comfort zone? But we knew He did, so we headed to a place where we recognized only a handful of faces, and watched God work.
Exit #2a & 2b--We fell in love with our new house over a year ago and promptly tried to forget about it. It didn't make sense to move with three small children, when our current house was wonderful. But instead, God just kept working out details in totally unexpected ways, and we moved forward.
Our beloved home sold in just over a month in a completely saturated market, and we praised the Lord for working out yet another detail. But then we moved our family into "the holding place," a tiny townhome near the new house, where we stayed for almost four months.
I felt like my entire life was on hold during that time. It was winter, and I hate the cold. There was nowhere to send the kids to play, so I was always tripping over them and their toys. Not enough outdoor time for them. Not enough sunshine for me. No room to make guests comfortable, so we had very few. Two thirds of our belongings were packed away. It was just a place to stay and not a home, and I had grown to love homey-ness!
It reminded me of one of my favorite children's books, "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. We were "headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place..." While I love the life lessons in that book, it turns out that the waiting place--while it stinks--is not entirely useless. God can do so much heart-work when we're in the waiting place, provided we listen.
Exit #3--Lastly, we lost a good friend to Heaven. God has done more in my heart through Kristi's life and death than almost anything else, ever. I will never forget singing Because He Lives (by William & Gloria Gaither) at her Memorial service with a thousand other people and knowing the truth of those words. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future; And life is worth the living, just because He lives. You can read more about Kristi's life here.
With all these unfamiliar exits, the only thing I've known to do was to seek God, over and over again. Seek Him in my excitement. Seek Him in my pain. Seek Him with my questions. He is so good to meet me with something I need each day--comfort, understanding, or peace.
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1: 6-9, NLT
Exit #1--We knew for months that God was calling us out of our current church, which we had grown to love for ten years. We continued to pray and stay put for a while, just to make sure God really wanted us to leave there and have a new start at a church plant.
We were very comfortable at our old church. There was nothing wrong with it. And we were surrounded by friends there. Why would God want to remove us from our comfort zone? But we knew He did, so we headed to a place where we recognized only a handful of faces, and watched God work.
Exit #2a & 2b--We fell in love with our new house over a year ago and promptly tried to forget about it. It didn't make sense to move with three small children, when our current house was wonderful. But instead, God just kept working out details in totally unexpected ways, and we moved forward.
Our beloved home sold in just over a month in a completely saturated market, and we praised the Lord for working out yet another detail. But then we moved our family into "the holding place," a tiny townhome near the new house, where we stayed for almost four months.
I felt like my entire life was on hold during that time. It was winter, and I hate the cold. There was nowhere to send the kids to play, so I was always tripping over them and their toys. Not enough outdoor time for them. Not enough sunshine for me. No room to make guests comfortable, so we had very few. Two thirds of our belongings were packed away. It was just a place to stay and not a home, and I had grown to love homey-ness!
It reminded me of one of my favorite children's books, "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. We were "headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place..." While I love the life lessons in that book, it turns out that the waiting place--while it stinks--is not entirely useless. God can do so much heart-work when we're in the waiting place, provided we listen.
Exit #3--Lastly, we lost a good friend to Heaven. God has done more in my heart through Kristi's life and death than almost anything else, ever. I will never forget singing Because He Lives (by William & Gloria Gaither) at her Memorial service with a thousand other people and knowing the truth of those words. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future; And life is worth the living, just because He lives. You can read more about Kristi's life here.
With all these unfamiliar exits, the only thing I've known to do was to seek God, over and over again. Seek Him in my excitement. Seek Him in my pain. Seek Him with my questions. He is so good to meet me with something I need each day--comfort, understanding, or peace.
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1: 6-9, NLT
Part 3 of 4--The Highway Became A Bumpy, Wooden Rollercoaster
I've never thought I'd pray so hard about puppy dogs. But we came to a place in our lives where it looked like we would not be able to keep our dogs anymore. They were almost 9 when it began, and I prayed for half a year over it. Finally, when I felt like it was right, we jumped.
Only it didn't seem right. The people they went to live with were great. But the dogs weren't eating, and they were getting out into the woods behind their home, and I wasn't eating, and we had to pull the plug and get them back.
I held them so much more, and continued to wish we would never have to go through that again.
However, we were getting close to a big move, and it became clear again that it was best for them and best for us if they went to live with a new family. I won't go into all the details about why they had to go, but trust me, if there was any way for it to all work out, they would be right here beside me now. It's been 2 months now, and I'm still fighting tears.
I wish I could say that I've learned a few big things through this, and here they are: 1, 2, 3. But instead, I've learned how much it can hurt to love something and let it go. I've learned how painful separation can be. I've learned that I second-guess every big decision I make and that I doubt myself even when I believe God gives me answers. I've learned that I can have severely puffy eyes 11 days in a row, and that even when tears completely dry up, they replenish after a day or so. I've learned that losing your beloved puppies can hurt enough to give you heart palpitations and send you to Urgent Care for an EKG. And that if you cry either too much or too hard, your eye can develop a twitch that lasts for hours.
I feel a little ridiculous sharing all that with you, and I know that some people may not understand that puppies who come into your life just after you marry become part of your family, so you feel you've lost a part of your family and even a connection to the past you now hold fondly in your heart.
God gives us what we need when we need it. He gets us through the trials, and we learn to trust Him more. We learn we can trust Him. That's the beauty in it.
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV
Only it didn't seem right. The people they went to live with were great. But the dogs weren't eating, and they were getting out into the woods behind their home, and I wasn't eating, and we had to pull the plug and get them back.
I held them so much more, and continued to wish we would never have to go through that again.
However, we were getting close to a big move, and it became clear again that it was best for them and best for us if they went to live with a new family. I won't go into all the details about why they had to go, but trust me, if there was any way for it to all work out, they would be right here beside me now. It's been 2 months now, and I'm still fighting tears.
I wish I could say that I've learned a few big things through this, and here they are: 1, 2, 3. But instead, I've learned how much it can hurt to love something and let it go. I've learned how painful separation can be. I've learned that I second-guess every big decision I make and that I doubt myself even when I believe God gives me answers. I've learned that I can have severely puffy eyes 11 days in a row, and that even when tears completely dry up, they replenish after a day or so. I've learned that losing your beloved puppies can hurt enough to give you heart palpitations and send you to Urgent Care for an EKG. And that if you cry either too much or too hard, your eye can develop a twitch that lasts for hours.
I feel a little ridiculous sharing all that with you, and I know that some people may not understand that puppies who come into your life just after you marry become part of your family, so you feel you've lost a part of your family and even a connection to the past you now hold fondly in your heart.
God gives us what we need when we need it. He gets us through the trials, and we learn to trust Him more. We learn we can trust Him. That's the beauty in it.
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV
Part 2 of 4--Brake Lights On The Highway
I remember the day my husband called to tell me how his doctor appointment had gone. I was walking into Southpoint Mall in Durham, headed to the Picture Place with my three little people. Pictures are a stressful event for me with three. I do it about every 6 months purely for future enjoyment, but I've left there crying before because of the sheer lack of cooperation and concern the three little people have for them. The pictures, that is.
Uh, hum. Back to the hubby. He had been having some pain in his hip, and I figured he had been playing too hard for his body's good. No surprise for my husband!
"Well," he started, "the Doctor said, the good thing is, it's not cancer."
"What???" I startled, "That wasn't even a concern, was it?"
Apparently, it might have been, but neither of us knew. Instead, they told him he would probably need hip replacement surgery before he turned 35. However, he should put it off for as long as possible since replacement hips only last a decade or so and need to be re-replaced. Yikes.
It hit me hard over the coming weeks and months. My husband plays more than anyone I know. He works really hard too (he's owned a business since he was fresh out of college, so believe me, he works!). He's the kind of guy who never seems to need as much sleep as the rest of us, and he's always willing to get up at 4 am to head to the coast to surf or go to the woods to hunt; he's gotten up most every Saturday to play basketball at 7 am since we've been married; he rode his mountain bike, ran regularly with me and our kids in both single and double jog strollers, wakeboarded out on the lake, snowboards, golfs, plays tennis, and more.
Daniel loves life and knows how to enjoy it. I've always admired that about him.
His attitude throughout this diagnosis has been amazing. He looks at the bright side--he can still play golf and hunt and surf, even with a replacement hip. Those are all great things he can do with his boys. We can still take walks on the beach, or if worse comes to worse, I can push him in a wheelchair on the beach (if they make wheelchairs for the beach), and he says I'll enjoy it more anyway because it's harder exercise. :)
My attitude was not so graceful. This is not what I want, God! How can you let this happen to him, when he's dreamed for the last few years of all the ways he and Jace and Ryder will play together??? How can you take the fun guy with friends by the handful, many tied to one shared activity or another, and wipe out much of the activity? It just doesn't seem right.
I was really mad that he couldn't run with me anymore. Although I can't say hubby was particularly upset about that. Running has never been on his list of favorites because it's apparently just not "fun".
Part of the problem with my attitude was that I was walking through life with the expectation that we get to keep our health, at least until we're really old. I wouldn't have said that, but in my imagination, that was how it should work out.
Another part of the problem was the way I was viewing life on earth, and the way I saw Heaven. God knew this, for He knows my heart, and He was about to rock me with a string of events and to give me something to really look forward to.
Glory!
So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.
Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
Colossians 3:1-4, The Message
Uh, hum. Back to the hubby. He had been having some pain in his hip, and I figured he had been playing too hard for his body's good. No surprise for my husband!
"Well," he started, "the Doctor said, the good thing is, it's not cancer."
"What???" I startled, "That wasn't even a concern, was it?"
Apparently, it might have been, but neither of us knew. Instead, they told him he would probably need hip replacement surgery before he turned 35. However, he should put it off for as long as possible since replacement hips only last a decade or so and need to be re-replaced. Yikes.
It hit me hard over the coming weeks and months. My husband plays more than anyone I know. He works really hard too (he's owned a business since he was fresh out of college, so believe me, he works!). He's the kind of guy who never seems to need as much sleep as the rest of us, and he's always willing to get up at 4 am to head to the coast to surf or go to the woods to hunt; he's gotten up most every Saturday to play basketball at 7 am since we've been married; he rode his mountain bike, ran regularly with me and our kids in both single and double jog strollers, wakeboarded out on the lake, snowboards, golfs, plays tennis, and more.
Daniel loves life and knows how to enjoy it. I've always admired that about him.
His attitude throughout this diagnosis has been amazing. He looks at the bright side--he can still play golf and hunt and surf, even with a replacement hip. Those are all great things he can do with his boys. We can still take walks on the beach, or if worse comes to worse, I can push him in a wheelchair on the beach (if they make wheelchairs for the beach), and he says I'll enjoy it more anyway because it's harder exercise. :)
My attitude was not so graceful. This is not what I want, God! How can you let this happen to him, when he's dreamed for the last few years of all the ways he and Jace and Ryder will play together??? How can you take the fun guy with friends by the handful, many tied to one shared activity or another, and wipe out much of the activity? It just doesn't seem right.
I was really mad that he couldn't run with me anymore. Although I can't say hubby was particularly upset about that. Running has never been on his list of favorites because it's apparently just not "fun".
Part of the problem with my attitude was that I was walking through life with the expectation that we get to keep our health, at least until we're really old. I wouldn't have said that, but in my imagination, that was how it should work out.
Another part of the problem was the way I was viewing life on earth, and the way I saw Heaven. God knew this, for He knows my heart, and He was about to rock me with a string of events and to give me something to really look forward to.
Glory!
So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.
Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
Colossians 3:1-4, The Message
Part 1 of 4--Life Was A Highway
The Lord above has been teaching me so much these last months. Years, really. Life had been rolling along smoothly. A little scare would crop up here and there, but nothing materialized into anything real difficult.
We were driving down the highway with the top down and the sun shining in, singing along to our favorite songs. That's how I see us back then. We were in our 20's, and we lived well. We took lots of trips. We entertained friends in our home. We worked hard and played hard. It was a good life. It was an easy life.
Toward the end of that decade, we had babies. Three awesome little blessings in four years. We continue to be overwhelmed with how good God has been to us through our children. We did nothing to deserve them.
After the babies came, we had a little scare. For me, it was actually a really big scare. A life and death scare. A chance to test the amount of faith in me. I walked around for two weeks after Skylar's birth, wondering if cancer was invading my body. Then I endured the needles in my neck for the biopsy. Needles are one of my great fears! But then, the phone call set me free. It was a nodule that mostly amounted to nothing.
But I wasn't really free. The Lord was just preparing me for more life, more tests, more faith, more trust. And he used that time to change me deep down.
One of the great outcomes of my cancer scare was that I started thinking about other people who are in pain, and my heart started to break for them. This life is hard for a lot of folks, and I just started seeing it, seeing them. We have it so plush and comfortable here, and I guess I developed a habit of looking away when things were too hard to see.
Hungry children. People with true physical difficulties. People who want more of God yet can't even own a Bible. Abused girls and women right here in the States. Emotional wounds affecting people's every day lives. People who don't know Jesus... It all started slapping me in the face on a weekly basis, and I stopped turning my head. I started asking God, "What can I do?"
I have so much still to learn here. Some great and beautiful truths are coming to light for me, and very sad realities too. In the next couple of posts, I will share with you a little of the journey I've been walking through and some of the things I'm learning. I don't plan to depress you, but God needed to break my heart for others. This is the road He has me on. I hope you will be encouraged!
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.
***For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.***
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
1 John 3:17-18, NIV
We were driving down the highway with the top down and the sun shining in, singing along to our favorite songs. That's how I see us back then. We were in our 20's, and we lived well. We took lots of trips. We entertained friends in our home. We worked hard and played hard. It was a good life. It was an easy life.
Toward the end of that decade, we had babies. Three awesome little blessings in four years. We continue to be overwhelmed with how good God has been to us through our children. We did nothing to deserve them.
After the babies came, we had a little scare. For me, it was actually a really big scare. A life and death scare. A chance to test the amount of faith in me. I walked around for two weeks after Skylar's birth, wondering if cancer was invading my body. Then I endured the needles in my neck for the biopsy. Needles are one of my great fears! But then, the phone call set me free. It was a nodule that mostly amounted to nothing.
But I wasn't really free. The Lord was just preparing me for more life, more tests, more faith, more trust. And he used that time to change me deep down.
One of the great outcomes of my cancer scare was that I started thinking about other people who are in pain, and my heart started to break for them. This life is hard for a lot of folks, and I just started seeing it, seeing them. We have it so plush and comfortable here, and I guess I developed a habit of looking away when things were too hard to see.
Hungry children. People with true physical difficulties. People who want more of God yet can't even own a Bible. Abused girls and women right here in the States. Emotional wounds affecting people's every day lives. People who don't know Jesus... It all started slapping me in the face on a weekly basis, and I stopped turning my head. I started asking God, "What can I do?"
I have so much still to learn here. Some great and beautiful truths are coming to light for me, and very sad realities too. In the next couple of posts, I will share with you a little of the journey I've been walking through and some of the things I'm learning. I don't plan to depress you, but God needed to break my heart for others. This is the road He has me on. I hope you will be encouraged!
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.
***For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.***
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
1 John 3:17-18, NIV
Saturday, March 21, 2009
She Speaks...He Speaks!
Last June, I attended the She Speaks Conference put on by Proverbs 31 Ministries in Concord North Carolina. It was one of the best weekends of my entire life. When I first heard about the conference, it was already full. But I put my name on the waiting list, and asked God to make a way for me to go.
A few weeks later, they notified me that more spots opened up, and it was a go! But the hotel was full, so I had to reserve a room down the road. Since I was headed there alone, I really wanted to stay at the conference hotel. Again I asked God to make a way for me to stay there.
Two days before I left, in the middle of Target, I heard a loud thought (God) say, "Go home and check with Embassy Suites." I went online, and my reservation went through. So I called the hotel directly, just to confirm. There had been two cancellations for a weekend that had been sold out for months, and the representative on the line assumed I was a lucky person.
But I knew it was God’s hand working out details of my life, and I shared that with the person on the line. I bubbled over with thankfulness that HE wanted me at She Speaks, enough to open up a spot from the waiting list and to save a room in the hotel just for me.
Driving down the road that Friday, I spent some time asking God one thing: Am I chasing MY dream, or Yours? Because if it was just mine, I didn’t want to want it anymore. I had learned some things about the publishing industry, and none of it seemed to be a good fit for me.
So on my way to She Speaks, I told the Lord, "I know I can write, but I just can't do that other stuff; I wouldn't even know how to. You know who I am Lord--the one people don't notice, the one people forget, the one who gets overlooked--so if you could just take this dream of sharing my words with the world away this weekend, my life would feel a lot easier."
It didn't seem like the right prayer to pray on my way to a writer's conference, but it was my heart that day. A big part of me thought He was going to take away my dream of being a writer while I was there, and I went into the conference that afternoon feeling free.
The first night, one of my favorite speakers and writers, Lysa Terkeurst, opened up with a message called, "Developing the Character to Match my Calling". After a couple of stories from her life that were oh-so-similar to my own, she talked about David. Would you believe that the first point she made was this: "David was OVERLOOKED by everyone else but hand-picked by God."
In a room that seemed filled with Him, God taught me that He has used all the events of my life, even those little moments that made big impressions on me, and the days I felt up to my elbows in dirty diapers and baby food, to prepare and equip me for the jobs He'll give me to do. Oh, and just maybe, I’m still there, in the fields of everyday life, still being prepared for what He’ll do through me.
Before dinner Saturday night, I went running in the blanket of heat that is summer in North Carolina, and again, I prayed. "Lord, I am going back and forth about embracing this calling right now. Sometimes I feel sure that You made me to write, and other times I think it was just for my journal. Will you give me something to confirm that you have called me to do this? Like you did for Gideon--you gave him several things that could ONLY have been YOU. Can you just give me something like that, because then I won't doubt it?"
I went on to recount the times I thought God had already called me to write for His purposes. “I really do feel like Gideon right now, asking for another confirmation,” I said, “but I just need to know this is You and not just me."
At dinner, I met up with some girls I had met the first night for some awesome worship and great conversation. Then Renee Swope delivered a message called "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt."
After making us roll with laughter, she said, "Ladies, let's open up to Judges 6. We're going to look at a guy called Gideon." And I cried. The girls at my table must have wondered what was so emotional about opening Bibles to the book of Judges.
All I could think about was that God planned this for me long ago. He knew the prayers I would pray earlier that day, the doubts, the questions. He prompted Renee to prepare this message for the conference, and for me. His love not only reaches to the heavens. That night, it filled the place. It filled me.
Later that night, I found myself in a spa-like room labeled, The Prayer Room, where God met me again, loud and clear, just me and Him. He used a lady who I had never met before to pray some words over me about my worth in God’s eyes and His purposes for me. I might have called the experience strange, only I knew better by then. It was God using her to speak His words! I had no doubt about that.
I went to She Speaks, asking for confirmation of my calling--or my non-calling rather--and God gently reminded me over and over that it was not about ME at all, but about Him. He gave me signs to confirm that I am called, and I should keep moving in that direction.
If you are a speaker or writer or women’s ministry leader (or if you want to be any of those things), consider coming to She Speaks this year! You can find out more about the scholarship they are giving away here: She Speaks Scholarship. I encourage you to pray about it and GO. I feel certain you’ll find God there, and you just might never be the same!
A few weeks later, they notified me that more spots opened up, and it was a go! But the hotel was full, so I had to reserve a room down the road. Since I was headed there alone, I really wanted to stay at the conference hotel. Again I asked God to make a way for me to stay there.
Two days before I left, in the middle of Target, I heard a loud thought (God) say, "Go home and check with Embassy Suites." I went online, and my reservation went through. So I called the hotel directly, just to confirm. There had been two cancellations for a weekend that had been sold out for months, and the representative on the line assumed I was a lucky person.
But I knew it was God’s hand working out details of my life, and I shared that with the person on the line. I bubbled over with thankfulness that HE wanted me at She Speaks, enough to open up a spot from the waiting list and to save a room in the hotel just for me.
Driving down the road that Friday, I spent some time asking God one thing: Am I chasing MY dream, or Yours? Because if it was just mine, I didn’t want to want it anymore. I had learned some things about the publishing industry, and none of it seemed to be a good fit for me.
So on my way to She Speaks, I told the Lord, "I know I can write, but I just can't do that other stuff; I wouldn't even know how to. You know who I am Lord--the one people don't notice, the one people forget, the one who gets overlooked--so if you could just take this dream of sharing my words with the world away this weekend, my life would feel a lot easier."
It didn't seem like the right prayer to pray on my way to a writer's conference, but it was my heart that day. A big part of me thought He was going to take away my dream of being a writer while I was there, and I went into the conference that afternoon feeling free.
The first night, one of my favorite speakers and writers, Lysa Terkeurst, opened up with a message called, "Developing the Character to Match my Calling". After a couple of stories from her life that were oh-so-similar to my own, she talked about David. Would you believe that the first point she made was this: "David was OVERLOOKED by everyone else but hand-picked by God."
In a room that seemed filled with Him, God taught me that He has used all the events of my life, even those little moments that made big impressions on me, and the days I felt up to my elbows in dirty diapers and baby food, to prepare and equip me for the jobs He'll give me to do. Oh, and just maybe, I’m still there, in the fields of everyday life, still being prepared for what He’ll do through me.
Before dinner Saturday night, I went running in the blanket of heat that is summer in North Carolina, and again, I prayed. "Lord, I am going back and forth about embracing this calling right now. Sometimes I feel sure that You made me to write, and other times I think it was just for my journal. Will you give me something to confirm that you have called me to do this? Like you did for Gideon--you gave him several things that could ONLY have been YOU. Can you just give me something like that, because then I won't doubt it?"
I went on to recount the times I thought God had already called me to write for His purposes. “I really do feel like Gideon right now, asking for another confirmation,” I said, “but I just need to know this is You and not just me."
At dinner, I met up with some girls I had met the first night for some awesome worship and great conversation. Then Renee Swope delivered a message called "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt."
After making us roll with laughter, she said, "Ladies, let's open up to Judges 6. We're going to look at a guy called Gideon." And I cried. The girls at my table must have wondered what was so emotional about opening Bibles to the book of Judges.
All I could think about was that God planned this for me long ago. He knew the prayers I would pray earlier that day, the doubts, the questions. He prompted Renee to prepare this message for the conference, and for me. His love not only reaches to the heavens. That night, it filled the place. It filled me.
Later that night, I found myself in a spa-like room labeled, The Prayer Room, where God met me again, loud and clear, just me and Him. He used a lady who I had never met before to pray some words over me about my worth in God’s eyes and His purposes for me. I might have called the experience strange, only I knew better by then. It was God using her to speak His words! I had no doubt about that.
I went to She Speaks, asking for confirmation of my calling--or my non-calling rather--and God gently reminded me over and over that it was not about ME at all, but about Him. He gave me signs to confirm that I am called, and I should keep moving in that direction.
If you are a speaker or writer or women’s ministry leader (or if you want to be any of those things), consider coming to She Speaks this year! You can find out more about the scholarship they are giving away here: She Speaks Scholarship. I encourage you to pray about it and GO. I feel certain you’ll find God there, and you just might never be the same!
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