A Missionary Every Day

Last night, my husband’s sister and her husband sat in our living room telling a group of people about their upcoming medical mission to Togo, West Africa. They hope to head out next spring for a 2-year term there. They are not only raising support, but also on a mission to encourage Christ-followers to be missionaries themselves.

They talked about going to the ends of the earth, to places of great darkness where people still have not heard of the saving work of Jesus. It is hard to imagine, isn’t it? There are people who have not been told the hope God has made them for and called them to.

That’s a sobering thought, and it affects my life. Do you let it affect your life? We can get so wrapped up in our own selves, can’t we?

Here in America, it’s a different story altogether. It’s a different kind of darkness. Most people know the story of Jesus. Some of us believe and live like we believe it. Many accept it as true but refuse to adjust their lives around that truth. Many reject the story, reject Jesus, reject followers of Him. Many who know the story have never really seen God’s love in action. It’s a dark world full of evil, yes.

Listening to Steve and Katrina last night, I thought for a minute about the prayers of my youth. “Please, Lord, don’t call me to go to one of those faraway places where they live in huts with dirt everywhere and always eat their food outside!” I’d been around lots of missionaries, even knew some personally. As a group, they were excited about what God had called them to. They loved the people in the faraway places. They told adventurous stories about eating cow brains and finding themselves in the middle of the jungle. Other than the precious people, it all sounded terrible to me--the dirt, the “adventures”, the being far away, and the eating outside…

Sometimes I think long and hard about all the wrong things.

I was all about the list of things I thought I would hate, and I explained myself to God just to make sure He knew I didn’t prefer that kind of life.

Yet God put me together Himself. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, and I’m not saying He’s responsible for my hang-ups. But He put together the me that feels like food eaten outdoors is full of dirt and miniscule bugs. Not that that has anything to do with missionary life. I’d guess there are gobs of missionaries who eat nearly every meal indoors. I’m just a victim…of the missionary slides stuck in my head. :)

Maybe you have hang-ups about living your life for Jesus too, and maybe they’re not quite as juvenile as my aversion to dirt. And food. Together.

Are you holding back your life from the Lord? Do you have a list of reasons tucked back in your mind, reasons why you can't live completely for Him? He is looking for people who are willing to give their lives up, to whatever He calls them to.

I am in no way discouraging the missionfield. There is great need for people to sell all and head out. I just think we have to start with our hearts again, make sure we are following Christ wherever we are, and make sure we are willing to follow Him anywhere.

Right now, I am called to Cary / Raleigh, North Carolina and its people. I have not been called to create a picture-perfect life full of things and full of social events and full of my own pleasures and indulgences. Full of ME. And I have totally lived there. Trying to figure out how to do life as an adult, my husband and I found ourselves so full of fun, our lives so full of inch-deep relationships with really great people, our home so full of beautiful things, and yet, we knew something was missing. We wanted more of Jesus. We knew God had not called us to be so self-focused.

The call on our lives is to follow Christ. It is to be Jesus to the hurting, broken people all around us. At one time, I looked around here and prayed, Who do I need to help, Lord? Everyone is so put together, they all seem to know about God anyway, what can I even do here?

Time and experience told me to look past the put together. To embrace my own brokenness and my need for repair. To remember that we can be chained by other’s perceptions of us. There is a missionfield right here. It used to be invisible to me.

Are you willing to follow Him in small ways and big ones? Are you available to obey Jesus? Are you running hard after Christ, seeking Him as if you must? Or are you simply living for you? And what you really, really, really want. And what makes you happy. I ask myself the same. May it be the former. May we rise up in great revival!

To learn more about Steve and Katrina’s journey, visit http://padgettsintogo.blogspot.com/

The Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Luke 10: 1-3

From heaven, the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth--He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.
Psalm 33:13-15

Think About...

Being unable to cure death, wretchedness, and ignorance, men have decided, in order to be happy, not to think about such things. --Pascal, Penses

Is someone you love running in the wrong direction, going astray the way “all we like sheep” tend to do?

Are you enduring the sickness of a loved one? It hurts so badly, you want to take it for them. And yet, you’re so afraid of that terminal diagnosis that lurks around every corner these days, as cancers suck the life out of people we love, friends we’ve known, invading story after life story.

Have you already lost someone you really needed? The grief still blows you away every single day, while people around you go about their lives, unaffected by your heartache.

What about the marriage you hung your hope on? It didn’t quite turn out the way you expected, did it? After the sweeping you off your feet occurred, selfishness set in. On both sides. Now your sin fights against his sin, and it can get ugly. Maybe you figured out ways to make it work, but it’s still just plain hard sometimes. Or maybe it didn’t, and now you’re on your own, reassembling pieces of a broken life, hoping you can make it work again.

Was it all you ever wanted— to be the Mommy? Or at least all you want right now. But no matter what, it doesn’t happen. Still. You wait, and you try, and you wait some more. Finally, you give up, and decide not to ask God for anything anymore. Your view of Him shifts and devastates. Something changes inside, and you fear you’ll never recover from this. Unless… But no, it’s another no, and you just stop dreaming, hoping, wishing. You go numb and protect your fragile heart instead.

Maybe you did become a Mommy, but it’s nothing like you thought it would be. You’re outnumbered, struggling, and you don’t love it the way your friends seem to. If you have time for friends anymore.

Or you could be grieving the way things turned out for your precious ones. They’re adults now, and you are still begging God to invade their hearts, or at least clean out their ears so they can hear Him. Are you heartbroken that they chose the path you warned them against? And they don’t even see how it hurts them. Or they don’t want to admit their sin and come to Jesus the way you wish they would.

Life on earth produces great hurts, pains, and concerns. Each situation above applies to people I know and care for. And even though James flat out tells us that we will have various trials of many kinds, we wanted to land just outside of his box. We wanted to slip through, unscathed by the damage.

Sometimes we don’t see the need for the prizes James offers—maturity and perseverance. Step right up! You only have to be thrown into the fire in order to win them. Your trials will leave you crumpled on the floor for a season, gasping for air, a heap of humanity seemingly broken beyond repair. BUT…you will become perfect and complete, lacking in nothing!

My mind is often earthly and unspiritual. I would not willingly step right up to that plate. I want to be safe and live the life I dream of.

I want to live a long, happy life with my sweet husband. I want to make millions of sweet memories with my three little people, and I want them to grow to love and follow Jesus. I want them to marry sweethearts who love Jesus first and love them next. I want to “get to keep” my parents around for a very long time, and I want to “get to keep” my sisters too. I want to love people and point them toward their Creator. I want to leave a legacy that I will be proud of and humbled by.

I’m entitled to none of it. I can control very little.

This is earth and not heaven. Earth mangled with sin and death, hunger and sickness. If it’s not invading your life right now, would you face it on behalf of others?

I admit, I often don’t know what to do with all the pain around me. But God is drawing me to embrace the difficulties of others, even in tiny little ways. In the past, I would not think about such things, but I’m learning to stop looking away.

It all starts with love in every day life. Love does not look away and keep going. Love does not keep all the stuff I like so much for my own personal enjoyment. Love does not run errands in a hurry, wrapped up in the cloak of my own concerns.

Love happens when I slow down, look for opportunities to show kindness, see people the way their Maker sees them, pray on their behalf, care. Even for people I don’t know.

Today God gave me the chances to care for several of His loved ones. A man sitting on a bench in the heart of Apex—the Peak of Good Livin’— North Carolina. It didn’t look to be the peak of good living for him just then, and all I did was pray earnestly on his behalf. A gray-haired woman who struggled just to get to the store and needed an open door, a shopping cart to lean on, and a smile. A mom whose kids were misbehaving, who just needed someone to understand where she was at and tell her to hang in there.

They were small gestures, but I believe God uses our little acts of love for others big-time. And then He increases opportunities until all we can say is Praise God! Love thrills me.

Will you look around and see who needs your kindness, concern, and compassion today?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4, NIV

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5, NIV

If you love me, you will obey what I command.
John 14:15, NIV

If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love,
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have [the gift of] prophecy,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,
and if I give my body to be burned,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy;
is not boastful; is not conceited;
does not act improperly; is not selfish;
is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs;
finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8, HCSB

My Great Need

In the beginning of my last post, I wrote about how God uses a verse I learned when I was small to speak to me today. God does not waste anything in our lives, and I just want to praise Him for that!

All the wise words poured on me in my youth did not mean so much to me then. But now, my spiritual heritage is a daily blessing. You see, it's because of all I learned as a child in all sorts of great Christian programs--and because of all I saw in my God-seeking parents--and because of all they taught me (which I only half-listened to), that when I became an adult, I wanted that kind of friendship with God.

I wanted to be a Christ follower, and I wanted to know that my faith was really mine. So I set out, trying to figure out my religion on my own. And that's just where I found that it wasn't about religion at all. In fact, religion had gotten in the way of my relationship with God. While parts of it are good, even great, it had to start with only me and Jesus.

So my own faith journey began with me knowing what a complete sinner I am. I knew from the time I was young that I needed Jesus. At the same time, I didn't KNOW that I NEEDED JESUS. If that makes any sense to you at all.

I haven't done anything in my life that most people would judge "really bad". I asked Jesus to come live in my heart when I was four years old, and He protected me from a lot of trouble. My teen years were a different story...but even then, I figured most people have a little "too much fun" during those years.

For a long time, I was caught up in the practice of judging sins, labeling them Bad or Badder. (Don't worry, I know that's not a word.) I still slip into it every now and then, but it's nothing short of wicked Pride. God makes no distinction between sins, and I have no business doing so either. When I do good, it's to His glory, and I shouldn't try to turn it into my own.

The truth is, at the heart of me, I'm sinful. I'm selfish and prideful and unloving and unkind and impatient, and more. And the only good here is that Jesus came in and changed me. Oh, I still battle with my selfishness, my pride, my unkindness, my impatience, and more...but He is the good in my heart, and when I live in step with the Spirit of God, I live righteously. But when I let my sinful nature control me, I am right back to where I began. So I--the person who was introduced to Jesus before I uttered my first words even--desperately NEED Jesus.

That's where I started to make my faith my own, at the point where I realized my great need for Him.

Where I peeled back the layers of all I knew about God and church and "religion"...that's where I found myself in a relationship with my Maker, the one who decided there should be a me.

That's where I discovered His unbelievable love for me and His desire for me to draw near to Him. That's where I figured out that the key to having a good life really and truly is found in Jesus Christ. In spending time with Him, talking to Him and listening, in studying the Word of God and letting my Father faithfully sprinkle His priceless phrases over all the needy places of my life.

I truly believe with all my heart this sentence that I wrote in my journal not too long ago after something from the passage grabbed ahold of my heart:

The key to everything in life is Jesus! Everything....

My heart breaks for those who do not believe this. Especially for those who have gazed too long at religion and missed the Christ in Christianity. And for those who are stuck on some regulation, some rule they just don't feel they can follow, or some experience they had with someone who was supposed to be a true believer. For those who are hurt after all these years by the way they were treated by a group of Christians. Or those who are doing a good job of looking, acting, or dressing like a Christian, who are satisfied with being pretty good, but are just missing the whole relationship, and missing out on knowing Jesus.

Don't let people hold you back from Him.

Don't let religion keep you away.

Dear Ones, I do hope you realize your great need for Him.

Romans 3:9-12 What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

Romans 3:21-24 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 5:6-8 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man, someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!

The Word of God Is...

I thank the God of this Universe that the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Growing up in AWANA and Christian schools, I learned Hebrews 4:12 at least a couple of times. But it wasn't until I grew up and really started drawing closer to the Lord that I understood the depth of this verse.

God's Word changes us every day when we let it. It changes me! It is alive! It is not outdated; it is not just a story; it is not only history. It actively helps us judge our thoughts and attitudes. Praise God for His awesome Word, the Bible, and for His active work in our hearts!!!

In my last post, I talked about how God speaks to us in our daily lives. Sometimes He brings His Word to my mind to correct me. Let's face it, it's hard in this world to stay on track mentally. I easily get caught up in rotten thinking patterns. I can read my Bible in the morning and hours later be struggling with worry, fear, pride, striving in my own strength, or impatience.

Recently, I was passively worrying about my upcoming thyroid surgery (this Friday). And out of nowhere, He wrote on my mind, I will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is steadfast, because she trusts in Me. Trust in the Lord forever for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. (Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV) I knew right away my struggle was trusting the Lord with my life.

It's a tough lesson, Trust. As I get older, and the terms and conditions of this life become more severe, my trust wavers sometimes. I feel guilty about that, because God has been so good to me. Throughout history, He has proven himself trustworthy. And even as I think through that, He brings this to mind: Being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Phil. 1:6, ASV)

More times than I can count, He has reminded me to Cease striving, and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10, NASB) Because I tend to strive and strive and strive and not to thrive on all that striving. :) And I don't often focus on the second part of that verse, which says, I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.

A verse like that serves as a great reminder to me that this life is not about me at all. I was put here for His glory. I was made for His purposes--to get to know and love the Author of Me, to love all the people He placed in my life, and to lay down my goals and pick up His.

One day, I was watching Fox News, my favorite fair and balanced news station, but I was sitting there thinking, the world has gone crazy! I know it's nothing to be surprised at, I mean in Noah's time, the world was so grossly full of sin that God chose to wipe out the entirety of what He'd created with a flood covering the entire earth. But, still. Sin is so yucky when it is full grown.

But God, He reminded me of some verses from Philippians 2, and reignited my supply of joy for days. Here's what He said, At the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father!

I repeated that verse for days. You see, it's all okay. Because in the end, everybody's gonna bow to Him. Every tongue is going to confess that Jesus-Christ-Is-Lord! And wow, those of us who know Him now are richly blessed. The blessings of knowing Christ are certainly not only reserved for Heaven.

Which brings me to another way the Lord speaks through His Word. Sometimes He just reminds us of His greatness, His majesty, His bounty of blessings that is waiting for us if we'll just come to Him again.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Ephesians 1: 18-19)

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies, Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains... (Psalm 36:5-6)

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:3-4)

How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth! (Psalm 47:2)

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16: 33)

God In Real Life

Have you ever wondered how the Lord speaks to people today? Or if He really enters into our personal lives to speak to us at all? A friend asked me why people sometimes say "God told them" to do this or that. I remember wondering the same thing a while back.

But I've tasted the voice of the Lord in my life. My real, everyday, ordinary, sometimes monotonous, little life. Enter the unmistakable, extraordinary, unusual, redeeming voice of the one and only GOD.

The most common way God speaks to me is by bringing scripture to my mind right at the very second I need it. In my next post, I will share some of the ways God has done that for me. Other times, He prompts me to do things that I hadn't thought of.

A couple of years ago, I was a MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) Publicity leader at my church. I was upstairs there on a Monday night, setting up for our meeting the next morning, and I sensed that I needed to go downstairs. I had no idea why, and I certainly did not run down immediately.

Because it didn't make sense, and I like sense. Finally, I gave up, and walked down the stairs.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21, NIV

Right away, I could see a lady, visibly upset, trying to make a phone call at the information desk. I stopped and asked her if I could help. After some prodding, she broke down in tears and shared some of her story with me. She didn't know anyone from this church, but in her domestic difficulty that very night, she walked in an open door.

Where God wanted little old ME, who didn't have any great words to speak, to meet her, embrace her, listen to her, and pray with her.

I did so little that I felt unworthy of the extremely kind words she presented me when we parted. I felt unworthy of the fullness I carried home with me. I felt full of God's grace and His redeeming power! Full of the rich blessing that follows obedience to God's voice. Full of awe that God chose to use me to do something for His Kingdom.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10, NIV

The devil had deceived me into thinking I was not full of possibilities. I knew God used people to do His work--exceptionally special and amazing people, but not girls just like me. Back then, I found it really easy to hear the devil's voice, even if I didn't recognize it as such.

Sometimes God plasters truth across my deep-down insides, like the night I felt the arms of the Lord around me as I held my baby girl. She was overwhelmingly Perfect in my eyes! Beautiful! Precious! Tears slipped down my cheeks as I stroked hers, and I almost felt Him there, in her little pink bedroom. He said to my heart just then, "So are you, Angela....This is just a taste of how I feel about you."

For I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother's womb. You may praise me now, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made; my works are wonderful, and you know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14, NIV

Whoa. He speaks! Before that night, I guess I didn't know that full well.

After that, I remember praying that every single precious woman on this earth would have a little girl so He could tell them the same thing. It was so powerful a message to my heart, and I wanted Him to speak it over every woman's pain.

But God doesn't speak to everyone in the same way. He uses all sorts of creative life experiences, because after all, He created life and He is creative! Through times when He's spoken to me, I've learned He is real, He is personal, and I need to listen to and obey Him.

When I sense God telling me to pray with someone, I usually think, But I don't know what to say! Then I ask Him to give me the words, and He serves up something more delightful than I ever could, on my own. It always amazes me.

How many times do we miss God's voice in our lives…
because it doesn't make sense to us…
because we don't want to obey…
because we're so busy living our lives…
or because we let so much noise enter our days, that we can't hear Him?

God doesn't stop His work because of us! He will fulfill His purposes even when we fail. When I fail—I MISS OUT--on the deep, rich blessing of a full life. Now that I have tasted that, I don't want to miss a thing!

Please don’t miss a thing. Don’t miss the life God made you for. This life is so short! Listen, friends. Listen.

Not Feelin' It

I'm only two months into homeschooling. Not that homeschooling started in June, but rather formal curriculum and calling it Kindergarten began just then. But today, I wanted to research homeschooling ideas on the internet rather than actually homeschool. I wanted to organize a closet instead of doing what I needed to do.

Am I facing burnout already? Is this normal? Or am I just strange?

Don't answer that last one please. It won't matter. What can a person do with that knowledge anyway? :)

So I taught my little guys their lessons and gave them independent work for a bit, while I sat down and watched The Weather Channel. Have you ever noticed that in the mornings, that channel simply repeats itself again and again? I sat for probably 30 minutes, staring at the flashy screen and letting the info flow into one ear and escape out the other, until this thought interrupted my others...Why on God's green earth am I wasting my time this way...and enjoying it?

The answer I landed on: So I can think! Back to that question about strangeness...a person really has to sit down in front of the telly in order to think? Oh yes ma'am, in a house like mine, being a Mom like me, sometimes you do!

Because I'm a Dreamer, with a capital D. One of the many personality tests I've taken for various reasons over the years told me so. According to this particular test, I'm not only a dreamer by orientation, I'm almost 100% dreamer. Through and through, a person who needs to "find" some quiet time within every day in order to process their thoughts. One who will offer their very precious commodity of time up to a little thinkin time, even at the expense of a little fun time, if needed. In order to function efficiently, I apparently need to be able to think. Clearly.

And that, my friends, is why I struggle to be an at-home Mom sometimes. Or any Mom.

See, thinking tends to require aloneness and quiet, and I do not live alone or with anything quiet. I have never acquired my husband's amazing skill of drowning out the little voices that go on and on, and I have zero "quiet" children, that is, if those truly exist.

Last night, in my girl's group, this question arose: Do any of you have a quiet child? You know I didn't ask it! I'm not sure I believe anyone who says they have a quiet child. Or my Mom who says I was a quiet child. Because my three have led me to believe that children do not own property in the land of Quiet. No, they inhabit LOUD. And they own it!

Not only that, but did you know that three children in the same family can all hail from the land of the Strong Will? And the land of Urgent Need, where they find all sorts of things they need Mom to do, get, and be for them during most of their waking hours? As for sibling rivalry, let’s just leave it at we've got it goin' ON!

And yet God made the package that is ME...with a little Dreamer here and a little Quiet there, a bit of strength and a lot of need...And the great Author of the Universe made three beautiful and lively little children (who sometimes feel like six children) and placed them in my care. I am their only Mommy, their question answerer, their need meeter, their tour guide, their life coach, their teacher, their friend.

I wish the way I felt all morning would instantly melt away, now that I've gained some perspective. But my feelings do not dissolve quickly. Instead, I have to tell myself the truth, and keep doing it. And eventually, my feelings follow.

If you are anything like me and you ever wonder why you're not basking in the ever-loving joy of all you get to do with your kiddos each day, stop wondering what's wrong with your situation. Find the truth from God that you need to hear, and tell it to yourself again.

God made me. He made my husband. He made my kids. And He put us all together. (Eph. 2:10)

God loves me, my husband, and my little people. More than I can comprehend. (1 John 3:1)

The circumstances of my life right now are God's will for me in Christ Jesus, and I can give thanks. (1 Thess. 5:18)

He cares for me, and I can cast all my cares on Him. (1 Pet. 5:7)

He is my refuge, and I can pour out my heart to Him. (Ps. 62:8)

How gracious God will be when I cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer me. (Is. 30:19)

I cast my cares on you, Lord, and you sustain me; never let me fall. (Ps. 55:22)

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. (Ps. 36:5)

Lord, make me lie down in green pastures, lead me beside quiet waters, restore my soul. (Ps. 23:2)

Let me not become weary in doing good, for at the right time, I will reap a harvest if I do not give up. (Gal. 6:9)

MIA In May

I promised myself I would never get on here and apologize over and over again for not posting often enough, so please do not consider this an apology. I am just going to say I will make no promises about how often I blog. Not at this stage in my life! Things are B-U-S-Y here, and I’m just going to drop in when I can and try not to worry it about it when I can’t.

So I’ve been parked in the book of Philippians for the last month, and in the next few posts, I would love to share some of my observations with you.

Last year, I studied Philippians, courtesy of one of Kay Arthur’s inductive Bible Studies, along with a group of awesome ladies from my old church (miss you!). But God drew me back to Philippians many times this year.

I’ve read this tiny little book since I was young. I can actually remember memorizing Philippians 2:1-11 in 2nd grade with Mrs. Carpenter’s class. But last Spring, when we were breaking it all down, I couldn’t get over my skepticism. The way Paul talked about these Philippian believers seemed suspiciously overstated to me. Here’s how he puts it:

I thank my God every time I remember you....In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy...God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus...you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown...

My reaction was something like this: Does anyone really feel that way about people—who are not their spouse or their children, their family or closest friends? I had a hard time taking Paul at his word, believing he was real. And deep down, that didn’t sit well with me.

Over the last year, the Lord revealed some of my self-centeredness to me. And let me tell you, it’s a whole lot easier to deal with my revelations of my husband’s selfishness or the obvious bouts of selfishness in my children. I can tell them just what they need to do to fix it, if they’ll listen. But, me? The one who gives so much of her life to the calling of Motherhood??? Selfish? Huh?

I’m joking, of course, but it’s not funny. See, if I look around, I tend to feel pretty normal. I measure up, or maybe even seem a little above average when it comes to selfishness. I didn’t see it as much of a problem for me. And it’s not, if I measure myself against “the norm”. But against God’s Word? Well, that’s a different story.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4, NIV)

Think about these verses for a few minutes. They’re completely contrary to our culture’s philosophy of self:
It’s all about me…
Do what makes you happy…
Look to yourself…

Maybe without knowing it, some of that has slipped in to your own heart. Read those verses again, and let it sink in. It’s really easy to let your heart get clouded with ideas that oppose God’s ideas.

So what are we to do when we find ourselves living in the land of self? Like I said, I can tell anybody else how to fix it, quick. :)

I started praying that God would give me His eyes for people, let me see them the way He does. Some were a little more difficult for me to understand. Some I knew He had put in my life for me to love. I continue to pray this, and He continues to help me see why Paul longed for his people in that way.

I have also been asking God to show me how to get rid of selfish ambition in my life, and to help me care for the interests of others. Sometimes, I’ve been caught off guard at the ways He has prompted me to care. It has often been simply through my words. Words I normally would have held back out of fear. But words God planted in my heart and wanted someone to hear.

I sit here today to tell you that God is so good. Seek Him, and He will show you the way, every little detail of the way, for you.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11, NIV