Growth

I think I’m right in the place where God wants me to be.

Last year seemed to be all about learning to trust, learning to place my trust in Christ, again and again and continually. It was hard, and I fell apart sometimes. But I love that I can look back and see how God was teaching me that theme.

I wonder if this year will be all about growth (in more ways than one). I know I probably shouldn’t be speculating about what God is going to do in my life this year. I should just take it as it comes, shouldn’t I? Oooh, I wish I was good at that.

I know I’m right in the place where God wants me, because I'm learning to depend on God. My Pastor spoke a few months ago about relying on God, and I realized, I have no idea what he’s talking about. I was just thankful I didn’t really “need” to hear that message.

But then we were challenged to create a little dependence on God. To take a risk, and make a commitment that would land us on the other side of the line.

In the middle of that challenge, we learned we were expecting another little one. How exciting, except that we had just decided to close the door on having more children. There were a lot of reasons that went into our decision, and it made a lot of sense to us.

But GOD is God, and I am not.

This baby growing in me reminds me of that. I try so hard to call the shots, to make the plans, to keep control. The truth is, I spend a lot of energy trying to make (and keep) my life manageable. For me.

During weeks of "all-day" sickness early this year, I had a lot of time to reflect on my life. My great conclusion was this:

My life wasn't meant to be manageable. For me.

God says His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I needed that reminder of my weakness. And my need for my Lord.

I realized that once again, pride has reared its ugly, satanic head in my life. It was pride that assisted me in thinking I knew what was best for my life. It’s my pride that enjoys saying, "I've got this. I can handle it. On my own."

But like any other sin, pride becomes a wall I’ve built between my Maker and my heart. And it's hard to recognize sometimes. It may be harder the more hard-headed you are. I mean I am. But when I offered the Lord my time with my ears and heart wide open, I felt the nudge. And I repented.

So I speculate that 2010 is going to be all about growth. Isn’t it great that I have a large box of maternity clothes sitting in my closet, each piece with plenty of room (for now) to grow into?

My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT

For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and He examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. Proverbs 5:21-23, NIV

How blessed are all those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel; They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and at the last turn--Zion! God in full view! Psalm 84:5-7, The Message