Not Feelin' It

I'm only two months into homeschooling. Not that homeschooling started in June, but rather formal curriculum and calling it Kindergarten began just then. But today, I wanted to research homeschooling ideas on the internet rather than actually homeschool. I wanted to organize a closet instead of doing what I needed to do.

Am I facing burnout already? Is this normal? Or am I just strange?

Don't answer that last one please. It won't matter. What can a person do with that knowledge anyway? :)

So I taught my little guys their lessons and gave them independent work for a bit, while I sat down and watched The Weather Channel. Have you ever noticed that in the mornings, that channel simply repeats itself again and again? I sat for probably 30 minutes, staring at the flashy screen and letting the info flow into one ear and escape out the other, until this thought interrupted my others...Why on God's green earth am I wasting my time this way...and enjoying it?

The answer I landed on: So I can think! Back to that question about strangeness...a person really has to sit down in front of the telly in order to think? Oh yes ma'am, in a house like mine, being a Mom like me, sometimes you do!

Because I'm a Dreamer, with a capital D. One of the many personality tests I've taken for various reasons over the years told me so. According to this particular test, I'm not only a dreamer by orientation, I'm almost 100% dreamer. Through and through, a person who needs to "find" some quiet time within every day in order to process their thoughts. One who will offer their very precious commodity of time up to a little thinkin time, even at the expense of a little fun time, if needed. In order to function efficiently, I apparently need to be able to think. Clearly.

And that, my friends, is why I struggle to be an at-home Mom sometimes. Or any Mom.

See, thinking tends to require aloneness and quiet, and I do not live alone or with anything quiet. I have never acquired my husband's amazing skill of drowning out the little voices that go on and on, and I have zero "quiet" children, that is, if those truly exist.

Last night, in my girl's group, this question arose: Do any of you have a quiet child? You know I didn't ask it! I'm not sure I believe anyone who says they have a quiet child. Or my Mom who says I was a quiet child. Because my three have led me to believe that children do not own property in the land of Quiet. No, they inhabit LOUD. And they own it!

Not only that, but did you know that three children in the same family can all hail from the land of the Strong Will? And the land of Urgent Need, where they find all sorts of things they need Mom to do, get, and be for them during most of their waking hours? As for sibling rivalry, let’s just leave it at we've got it goin' ON!

And yet God made the package that is ME...with a little Dreamer here and a little Quiet there, a bit of strength and a lot of need...And the great Author of the Universe made three beautiful and lively little children (who sometimes feel like six children) and placed them in my care. I am their only Mommy, their question answerer, their need meeter, their tour guide, their life coach, their teacher, their friend.

I wish the way I felt all morning would instantly melt away, now that I've gained some perspective. But my feelings do not dissolve quickly. Instead, I have to tell myself the truth, and keep doing it. And eventually, my feelings follow.

If you are anything like me and you ever wonder why you're not basking in the ever-loving joy of all you get to do with your kiddos each day, stop wondering what's wrong with your situation. Find the truth from God that you need to hear, and tell it to yourself again.

God made me. He made my husband. He made my kids. And He put us all together. (Eph. 2:10)

God loves me, my husband, and my little people. More than I can comprehend. (1 John 3:1)

The circumstances of my life right now are God's will for me in Christ Jesus, and I can give thanks. (1 Thess. 5:18)

He cares for me, and I can cast all my cares on Him. (1 Pet. 5:7)

He is my refuge, and I can pour out my heart to Him. (Ps. 62:8)

How gracious God will be when I cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer me. (Is. 30:19)

I cast my cares on you, Lord, and you sustain me; never let me fall. (Ps. 55:22)

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. (Ps. 36:5)

Lord, make me lie down in green pastures, lead me beside quiet waters, restore my soul. (Ps. 23:2)

Let me not become weary in doing good, for at the right time, I will reap a harvest if I do not give up. (Gal. 6:9)