A Missionary Every Day

Last night, my husband’s sister and her husband sat in our living room telling a group of people about their upcoming medical mission to Togo, West Africa. They hope to head out next spring for a 2-year term there. They are not only raising support, but also on a mission to encourage Christ-followers to be missionaries themselves.

They talked about going to the ends of the earth, to places of great darkness where people still have not heard of the saving work of Jesus. It is hard to imagine, isn’t it? There are people who have not been told the hope God has made them for and called them to.

That’s a sobering thought, and it affects my life. Do you let it affect your life? We can get so wrapped up in our own selves, can’t we?

Here in America, it’s a different story altogether. It’s a different kind of darkness. Most people know the story of Jesus. Some of us believe and live like we believe it. Many accept it as true but refuse to adjust their lives around that truth. Many reject the story, reject Jesus, reject followers of Him. Many who know the story have never really seen God’s love in action. It’s a dark world full of evil, yes.

Listening to Steve and Katrina last night, I thought for a minute about the prayers of my youth. “Please, Lord, don’t call me to go to one of those faraway places where they live in huts with dirt everywhere and always eat their food outside!” I’d been around lots of missionaries, even knew some personally. As a group, they were excited about what God had called them to. They loved the people in the faraway places. They told adventurous stories about eating cow brains and finding themselves in the middle of the jungle. Other than the precious people, it all sounded terrible to me--the dirt, the “adventures”, the being far away, and the eating outside…

Sometimes I think long and hard about all the wrong things.

I was all about the list of things I thought I would hate, and I explained myself to God just to make sure He knew I didn’t prefer that kind of life.

Yet God put me together Himself. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, and I’m not saying He’s responsible for my hang-ups. But He put together the me that feels like food eaten outdoors is full of dirt and miniscule bugs. Not that that has anything to do with missionary life. I’d guess there are gobs of missionaries who eat nearly every meal indoors. I’m just a victim…of the missionary slides stuck in my head. :)

Maybe you have hang-ups about living your life for Jesus too, and maybe they’re not quite as juvenile as my aversion to dirt. And food. Together.

Are you holding back your life from the Lord? Do you have a list of reasons tucked back in your mind, reasons why you can't live completely for Him? He is looking for people who are willing to give their lives up, to whatever He calls them to.

I am in no way discouraging the missionfield. There is great need for people to sell all and head out. I just think we have to start with our hearts again, make sure we are following Christ wherever we are, and make sure we are willing to follow Him anywhere.

Right now, I am called to Cary / Raleigh, North Carolina and its people. I have not been called to create a picture-perfect life full of things and full of social events and full of my own pleasures and indulgences. Full of ME. And I have totally lived there. Trying to figure out how to do life as an adult, my husband and I found ourselves so full of fun, our lives so full of inch-deep relationships with really great people, our home so full of beautiful things, and yet, we knew something was missing. We wanted more of Jesus. We knew God had not called us to be so self-focused.

The call on our lives is to follow Christ. It is to be Jesus to the hurting, broken people all around us. At one time, I looked around here and prayed, Who do I need to help, Lord? Everyone is so put together, they all seem to know about God anyway, what can I even do here?

Time and experience told me to look past the put together. To embrace my own brokenness and my need for repair. To remember that we can be chained by other’s perceptions of us. There is a missionfield right here. It used to be invisible to me.

Are you willing to follow Him in small ways and big ones? Are you available to obey Jesus? Are you running hard after Christ, seeking Him as if you must? Or are you simply living for you? And what you really, really, really want. And what makes you happy. I ask myself the same. May it be the former. May we rise up in great revival!

To learn more about Steve and Katrina’s journey, visit http://padgettsintogo.blogspot.com/

The Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Luke 10: 1-3

From heaven, the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth--He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.
Psalm 33:13-15

Think About...

Being unable to cure death, wretchedness, and ignorance, men have decided, in order to be happy, not to think about such things. --Pascal, Penses

Is someone you love running in the wrong direction, going astray the way “all we like sheep” tend to do?

Are you enduring the sickness of a loved one? It hurts so badly, you want to take it for them. And yet, you’re so afraid of that terminal diagnosis that lurks around every corner these days, as cancers suck the life out of people we love, friends we’ve known, invading story after life story.

Have you already lost someone you really needed? The grief still blows you away every single day, while people around you go about their lives, unaffected by your heartache.

What about the marriage you hung your hope on? It didn’t quite turn out the way you expected, did it? After the sweeping you off your feet occurred, selfishness set in. On both sides. Now your sin fights against his sin, and it can get ugly. Maybe you figured out ways to make it work, but it’s still just plain hard sometimes. Or maybe it didn’t, and now you’re on your own, reassembling pieces of a broken life, hoping you can make it work again.

Was it all you ever wanted— to be the Mommy? Or at least all you want right now. But no matter what, it doesn’t happen. Still. You wait, and you try, and you wait some more. Finally, you give up, and decide not to ask God for anything anymore. Your view of Him shifts and devastates. Something changes inside, and you fear you’ll never recover from this. Unless… But no, it’s another no, and you just stop dreaming, hoping, wishing. You go numb and protect your fragile heart instead.

Maybe you did become a Mommy, but it’s nothing like you thought it would be. You’re outnumbered, struggling, and you don’t love it the way your friends seem to. If you have time for friends anymore.

Or you could be grieving the way things turned out for your precious ones. They’re adults now, and you are still begging God to invade their hearts, or at least clean out their ears so they can hear Him. Are you heartbroken that they chose the path you warned them against? And they don’t even see how it hurts them. Or they don’t want to admit their sin and come to Jesus the way you wish they would.

Life on earth produces great hurts, pains, and concerns. Each situation above applies to people I know and care for. And even though James flat out tells us that we will have various trials of many kinds, we wanted to land just outside of his box. We wanted to slip through, unscathed by the damage.

Sometimes we don’t see the need for the prizes James offers—maturity and perseverance. Step right up! You only have to be thrown into the fire in order to win them. Your trials will leave you crumpled on the floor for a season, gasping for air, a heap of humanity seemingly broken beyond repair. BUT…you will become perfect and complete, lacking in nothing!

My mind is often earthly and unspiritual. I would not willingly step right up to that plate. I want to be safe and live the life I dream of.

I want to live a long, happy life with my sweet husband. I want to make millions of sweet memories with my three little people, and I want them to grow to love and follow Jesus. I want them to marry sweethearts who love Jesus first and love them next. I want to “get to keep” my parents around for a very long time, and I want to “get to keep” my sisters too. I want to love people and point them toward their Creator. I want to leave a legacy that I will be proud of and humbled by.

I’m entitled to none of it. I can control very little.

This is earth and not heaven. Earth mangled with sin and death, hunger and sickness. If it’s not invading your life right now, would you face it on behalf of others?

I admit, I often don’t know what to do with all the pain around me. But God is drawing me to embrace the difficulties of others, even in tiny little ways. In the past, I would not think about such things, but I’m learning to stop looking away.

It all starts with love in every day life. Love does not look away and keep going. Love does not keep all the stuff I like so much for my own personal enjoyment. Love does not run errands in a hurry, wrapped up in the cloak of my own concerns.

Love happens when I slow down, look for opportunities to show kindness, see people the way their Maker sees them, pray on their behalf, care. Even for people I don’t know.

Today God gave me the chances to care for several of His loved ones. A man sitting on a bench in the heart of Apex—the Peak of Good Livin’— North Carolina. It didn’t look to be the peak of good living for him just then, and all I did was pray earnestly on his behalf. A gray-haired woman who struggled just to get to the store and needed an open door, a shopping cart to lean on, and a smile. A mom whose kids were misbehaving, who just needed someone to understand where she was at and tell her to hang in there.

They were small gestures, but I believe God uses our little acts of love for others big-time. And then He increases opportunities until all we can say is Praise God! Love thrills me.

Will you look around and see who needs your kindness, concern, and compassion today?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4, NIV

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5, NIV

If you love me, you will obey what I command.
John 14:15, NIV

If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love,
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have [the gift of] prophecy,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,
and if I give my body to be burned,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy;
is not boastful; is not conceited;
does not act improperly; is not selfish;
is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs;
finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8, HCSB

My Great Need

In the beginning of my last post, I wrote about how God uses a verse I learned when I was small to speak to me today. God does not waste anything in our lives, and I just want to praise Him for that!

All the wise words poured on me in my youth did not mean so much to me then. But now, my spiritual heritage is a daily blessing. You see, it's because of all I learned as a child in all sorts of great Christian programs--and because of all I saw in my God-seeking parents--and because of all they taught me (which I only half-listened to), that when I became an adult, I wanted that kind of friendship with God.

I wanted to be a Christ follower, and I wanted to know that my faith was really mine. So I set out, trying to figure out my religion on my own. And that's just where I found that it wasn't about religion at all. In fact, religion had gotten in the way of my relationship with God. While parts of it are good, even great, it had to start with only me and Jesus.

So my own faith journey began with me knowing what a complete sinner I am. I knew from the time I was young that I needed Jesus. At the same time, I didn't KNOW that I NEEDED JESUS. If that makes any sense to you at all.

I haven't done anything in my life that most people would judge "really bad". I asked Jesus to come live in my heart when I was four years old, and He protected me from a lot of trouble. My teen years were a different story...but even then, I figured most people have a little "too much fun" during those years.

For a long time, I was caught up in the practice of judging sins, labeling them Bad or Badder. (Don't worry, I know that's not a word.) I still slip into it every now and then, but it's nothing short of wicked Pride. God makes no distinction between sins, and I have no business doing so either. When I do good, it's to His glory, and I shouldn't try to turn it into my own.

The truth is, at the heart of me, I'm sinful. I'm selfish and prideful and unloving and unkind and impatient, and more. And the only good here is that Jesus came in and changed me. Oh, I still battle with my selfishness, my pride, my unkindness, my impatience, and more...but He is the good in my heart, and when I live in step with the Spirit of God, I live righteously. But when I let my sinful nature control me, I am right back to where I began. So I--the person who was introduced to Jesus before I uttered my first words even--desperately NEED Jesus.

That's where I started to make my faith my own, at the point where I realized my great need for Him.

Where I peeled back the layers of all I knew about God and church and "religion"...that's where I found myself in a relationship with my Maker, the one who decided there should be a me.

That's where I discovered His unbelievable love for me and His desire for me to draw near to Him. That's where I figured out that the key to having a good life really and truly is found in Jesus Christ. In spending time with Him, talking to Him and listening, in studying the Word of God and letting my Father faithfully sprinkle His priceless phrases over all the needy places of my life.

I truly believe with all my heart this sentence that I wrote in my journal not too long ago after something from the passage grabbed ahold of my heart:

The key to everything in life is Jesus! Everything....

My heart breaks for those who do not believe this. Especially for those who have gazed too long at religion and missed the Christ in Christianity. And for those who are stuck on some regulation, some rule they just don't feel they can follow, or some experience they had with someone who was supposed to be a true believer. For those who are hurt after all these years by the way they were treated by a group of Christians. Or those who are doing a good job of looking, acting, or dressing like a Christian, who are satisfied with being pretty good, but are just missing the whole relationship, and missing out on knowing Jesus.

Don't let people hold you back from Him.

Don't let religion keep you away.

Dear Ones, I do hope you realize your great need for Him.

Romans 3:9-12 What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

Romans 3:21-24 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 5:6-8 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man, someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!

The Word of God Is...

I thank the God of this Universe that the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Growing up in AWANA and Christian schools, I learned Hebrews 4:12 at least a couple of times. But it wasn't until I grew up and really started drawing closer to the Lord that I understood the depth of this verse.

God's Word changes us every day when we let it. It changes me! It is alive! It is not outdated; it is not just a story; it is not only history. It actively helps us judge our thoughts and attitudes. Praise God for His awesome Word, the Bible, and for His active work in our hearts!!!

In my last post, I talked about how God speaks to us in our daily lives. Sometimes He brings His Word to my mind to correct me. Let's face it, it's hard in this world to stay on track mentally. I easily get caught up in rotten thinking patterns. I can read my Bible in the morning and hours later be struggling with worry, fear, pride, striving in my own strength, or impatience.

Recently, I was passively worrying about my upcoming thyroid surgery (this Friday). And out of nowhere, He wrote on my mind, I will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is steadfast, because she trusts in Me. Trust in the Lord forever for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. (Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV) I knew right away my struggle was trusting the Lord with my life.

It's a tough lesson, Trust. As I get older, and the terms and conditions of this life become more severe, my trust wavers sometimes. I feel guilty about that, because God has been so good to me. Throughout history, He has proven himself trustworthy. And even as I think through that, He brings this to mind: Being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Phil. 1:6, ASV)

More times than I can count, He has reminded me to Cease striving, and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10, NASB) Because I tend to strive and strive and strive and not to thrive on all that striving. :) And I don't often focus on the second part of that verse, which says, I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.

A verse like that serves as a great reminder to me that this life is not about me at all. I was put here for His glory. I was made for His purposes--to get to know and love the Author of Me, to love all the people He placed in my life, and to lay down my goals and pick up His.

One day, I was watching Fox News, my favorite fair and balanced news station, but I was sitting there thinking, the world has gone crazy! I know it's nothing to be surprised at, I mean in Noah's time, the world was so grossly full of sin that God chose to wipe out the entirety of what He'd created with a flood covering the entire earth. But, still. Sin is so yucky when it is full grown.

But God, He reminded me of some verses from Philippians 2, and reignited my supply of joy for days. Here's what He said, At the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father!

I repeated that verse for days. You see, it's all okay. Because in the end, everybody's gonna bow to Him. Every tongue is going to confess that Jesus-Christ-Is-Lord! And wow, those of us who know Him now are richly blessed. The blessings of knowing Christ are certainly not only reserved for Heaven.

Which brings me to another way the Lord speaks through His Word. Sometimes He just reminds us of His greatness, His majesty, His bounty of blessings that is waiting for us if we'll just come to Him again.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Ephesians 1: 18-19)

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies, Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains... (Psalm 36:5-6)

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:3-4)

How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth! (Psalm 47:2)

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16: 33)

God In Real Life

Have you ever wondered how the Lord speaks to people today? Or if He really enters into our personal lives to speak to us at all? A friend asked me why people sometimes say "God told them" to do this or that. I remember wondering the same thing a while back.

But I've tasted the voice of the Lord in my life. My real, everyday, ordinary, sometimes monotonous, little life. Enter the unmistakable, extraordinary, unusual, redeeming voice of the one and only GOD.

The most common way God speaks to me is by bringing scripture to my mind right at the very second I need it. In my next post, I will share some of the ways God has done that for me. Other times, He prompts me to do things that I hadn't thought of.

A couple of years ago, I was a MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) Publicity leader at my church. I was upstairs there on a Monday night, setting up for our meeting the next morning, and I sensed that I needed to go downstairs. I had no idea why, and I certainly did not run down immediately.

Because it didn't make sense, and I like sense. Finally, I gave up, and walked down the stairs.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21, NIV

Right away, I could see a lady, visibly upset, trying to make a phone call at the information desk. I stopped and asked her if I could help. After some prodding, she broke down in tears and shared some of her story with me. She didn't know anyone from this church, but in her domestic difficulty that very night, she walked in an open door.

Where God wanted little old ME, who didn't have any great words to speak, to meet her, embrace her, listen to her, and pray with her.

I did so little that I felt unworthy of the extremely kind words she presented me when we parted. I felt unworthy of the fullness I carried home with me. I felt full of God's grace and His redeeming power! Full of the rich blessing that follows obedience to God's voice. Full of awe that God chose to use me to do something for His Kingdom.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10, NIV

The devil had deceived me into thinking I was not full of possibilities. I knew God used people to do His work--exceptionally special and amazing people, but not girls just like me. Back then, I found it really easy to hear the devil's voice, even if I didn't recognize it as such.

Sometimes God plasters truth across my deep-down insides, like the night I felt the arms of the Lord around me as I held my baby girl. She was overwhelmingly Perfect in my eyes! Beautiful! Precious! Tears slipped down my cheeks as I stroked hers, and I almost felt Him there, in her little pink bedroom. He said to my heart just then, "So are you, Angela....This is just a taste of how I feel about you."

For I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother's womb. You may praise me now, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made; my works are wonderful, and you know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14, NIV

Whoa. He speaks! Before that night, I guess I didn't know that full well.

After that, I remember praying that every single precious woman on this earth would have a little girl so He could tell them the same thing. It was so powerful a message to my heart, and I wanted Him to speak it over every woman's pain.

But God doesn't speak to everyone in the same way. He uses all sorts of creative life experiences, because after all, He created life and He is creative! Through times when He's spoken to me, I've learned He is real, He is personal, and I need to listen to and obey Him.

When I sense God telling me to pray with someone, I usually think, But I don't know what to say! Then I ask Him to give me the words, and He serves up something more delightful than I ever could, on my own. It always amazes me.

How many times do we miss God's voice in our lives…
because it doesn't make sense to us…
because we don't want to obey…
because we're so busy living our lives…
or because we let so much noise enter our days, that we can't hear Him?

God doesn't stop His work because of us! He will fulfill His purposes even when we fail. When I fail—I MISS OUT--on the deep, rich blessing of a full life. Now that I have tasted that, I don't want to miss a thing!

Please don’t miss a thing. Don’t miss the life God made you for. This life is so short! Listen, friends. Listen.

Not Feelin' It

I'm only two months into homeschooling. Not that homeschooling started in June, but rather formal curriculum and calling it Kindergarten began just then. But today, I wanted to research homeschooling ideas on the internet rather than actually homeschool. I wanted to organize a closet instead of doing what I needed to do.

Am I facing burnout already? Is this normal? Or am I just strange?

Don't answer that last one please. It won't matter. What can a person do with that knowledge anyway? :)

So I taught my little guys their lessons and gave them independent work for a bit, while I sat down and watched The Weather Channel. Have you ever noticed that in the mornings, that channel simply repeats itself again and again? I sat for probably 30 minutes, staring at the flashy screen and letting the info flow into one ear and escape out the other, until this thought interrupted my others...Why on God's green earth am I wasting my time this way...and enjoying it?

The answer I landed on: So I can think! Back to that question about strangeness...a person really has to sit down in front of the telly in order to think? Oh yes ma'am, in a house like mine, being a Mom like me, sometimes you do!

Because I'm a Dreamer, with a capital D. One of the many personality tests I've taken for various reasons over the years told me so. According to this particular test, I'm not only a dreamer by orientation, I'm almost 100% dreamer. Through and through, a person who needs to "find" some quiet time within every day in order to process their thoughts. One who will offer their very precious commodity of time up to a little thinkin time, even at the expense of a little fun time, if needed. In order to function efficiently, I apparently need to be able to think. Clearly.

And that, my friends, is why I struggle to be an at-home Mom sometimes. Or any Mom.

See, thinking tends to require aloneness and quiet, and I do not live alone or with anything quiet. I have never acquired my husband's amazing skill of drowning out the little voices that go on and on, and I have zero "quiet" children, that is, if those truly exist.

Last night, in my girl's group, this question arose: Do any of you have a quiet child? You know I didn't ask it! I'm not sure I believe anyone who says they have a quiet child. Or my Mom who says I was a quiet child. Because my three have led me to believe that children do not own property in the land of Quiet. No, they inhabit LOUD. And they own it!

Not only that, but did you know that three children in the same family can all hail from the land of the Strong Will? And the land of Urgent Need, where they find all sorts of things they need Mom to do, get, and be for them during most of their waking hours? As for sibling rivalry, let’s just leave it at we've got it goin' ON!

And yet God made the package that is ME...with a little Dreamer here and a little Quiet there, a bit of strength and a lot of need...And the great Author of the Universe made three beautiful and lively little children (who sometimes feel like six children) and placed them in my care. I am their only Mommy, their question answerer, their need meeter, their tour guide, their life coach, their teacher, their friend.

I wish the way I felt all morning would instantly melt away, now that I've gained some perspective. But my feelings do not dissolve quickly. Instead, I have to tell myself the truth, and keep doing it. And eventually, my feelings follow.

If you are anything like me and you ever wonder why you're not basking in the ever-loving joy of all you get to do with your kiddos each day, stop wondering what's wrong with your situation. Find the truth from God that you need to hear, and tell it to yourself again.

God made me. He made my husband. He made my kids. And He put us all together. (Eph. 2:10)

God loves me, my husband, and my little people. More than I can comprehend. (1 John 3:1)

The circumstances of my life right now are God's will for me in Christ Jesus, and I can give thanks. (1 Thess. 5:18)

He cares for me, and I can cast all my cares on Him. (1 Pet. 5:7)

He is my refuge, and I can pour out my heart to Him. (Ps. 62:8)

How gracious God will be when I cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer me. (Is. 30:19)

I cast my cares on you, Lord, and you sustain me; never let me fall. (Ps. 55:22)

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. (Ps. 36:5)

Lord, make me lie down in green pastures, lead me beside quiet waters, restore my soul. (Ps. 23:2)

Let me not become weary in doing good, for at the right time, I will reap a harvest if I do not give up. (Gal. 6:9)

MIA In May

I promised myself I would never get on here and apologize over and over again for not posting often enough, so please do not consider this an apology. I am just going to say I will make no promises about how often I blog. Not at this stage in my life! Things are B-U-S-Y here, and I’m just going to drop in when I can and try not to worry it about it when I can’t.

So I’ve been parked in the book of Philippians for the last month, and in the next few posts, I would love to share some of my observations with you.

Last year, I studied Philippians, courtesy of one of Kay Arthur’s inductive Bible Studies, along with a group of awesome ladies from my old church (miss you!). But God drew me back to Philippians many times this year.

I’ve read this tiny little book since I was young. I can actually remember memorizing Philippians 2:1-11 in 2nd grade with Mrs. Carpenter’s class. But last Spring, when we were breaking it all down, I couldn’t get over my skepticism. The way Paul talked about these Philippian believers seemed suspiciously overstated to me. Here’s how he puts it:

I thank my God every time I remember you....In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy...God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus...you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown...

My reaction was something like this: Does anyone really feel that way about people—who are not their spouse or their children, their family or closest friends? I had a hard time taking Paul at his word, believing he was real. And deep down, that didn’t sit well with me.

Over the last year, the Lord revealed some of my self-centeredness to me. And let me tell you, it’s a whole lot easier to deal with my revelations of my husband’s selfishness or the obvious bouts of selfishness in my children. I can tell them just what they need to do to fix it, if they’ll listen. But, me? The one who gives so much of her life to the calling of Motherhood??? Selfish? Huh?

I’m joking, of course, but it’s not funny. See, if I look around, I tend to feel pretty normal. I measure up, or maybe even seem a little above average when it comes to selfishness. I didn’t see it as much of a problem for me. And it’s not, if I measure myself against “the norm”. But against God’s Word? Well, that’s a different story.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4, NIV)

Think about these verses for a few minutes. They’re completely contrary to our culture’s philosophy of self:
It’s all about me…
Do what makes you happy…
Look to yourself…

Maybe without knowing it, some of that has slipped in to your own heart. Read those verses again, and let it sink in. It’s really easy to let your heart get clouded with ideas that oppose God’s ideas.

So what are we to do when we find ourselves living in the land of self? Like I said, I can tell anybody else how to fix it, quick. :)

I started praying that God would give me His eyes for people, let me see them the way He does. Some were a little more difficult for me to understand. Some I knew He had put in my life for me to love. I continue to pray this, and He continues to help me see why Paul longed for his people in that way.

I have also been asking God to show me how to get rid of selfish ambition in my life, and to help me care for the interests of others. Sometimes, I’ve been caught off guard at the ways He has prompted me to care. It has often been simply through my words. Words I normally would have held back out of fear. But words God planted in my heart and wanted someone to hear.

I sit here today to tell you that God is so good. Seek Him, and He will show you the way, every little detail of the way, for you.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11, NIV

Ressurection-Egg-Easter-Celebration-Disaster

Easter snuck up on me this year. Last week, we vacationed in Switzerland, and the week before, we prepared for vacation in Switzerland. This week, I dug my way out of great stacks of paperwork that called for my attention, restocked the fridge, caught up on sleep… Suddenly, it’s almost Easter! I want to celebrate what Jesus did for us!

I made plans, and sometimes that's where I get stuck. I made great plans in my head for how I would relate the Easter story to my little people once again. I even assumed how they would respond to the greatest story ever told. It was going to be heavenly.

Instead, they begged to have another indoor Easter egg hunt rather than going through the Ressurection Eggs. But I put my foot down, trying to convince them this was just as fun.

I tried to engage them in the story while they fought over who got to open each egg. I persevered, fluctuating my voice and asking questions at every turn. They answered me with lines they heard watching the Three Stooges at Nana's house last week, laughing all the way.

Then, they asked questions that had nothing to do with the story at hand. “Is Connor turning 6 at his party?”... “How many days until our friends come to hunt for Easter eggs?”...“Are you putting candy in these Mom, or just stickers like last time?”

It was a tug of war, and I lost. I wanted to scream.

Finally, I closed up Ressurection-Egg shop, and said we’d finish them later. I was sad. Very, very sad. They knew the story and the answers to the questions, but they didn’t grasp the importance of what Jesus did for us! The eggs before me held the reason for our hope, our future. And they would have none of it.

This is everything, I thought. And they just don’t get it.

They’re still in the living room, wrestling around on the floor like bear cubs, cracking up laughing over the silly ways they can group simple words. One says, “Don’t bite the ducky cake!” and the other, “It’s my thinking cap burger!” And they laugh hysterically.

When will they know? When will they see?

When did I see? I mean, I knew when I was young. I knew something anyway. But I didn’t see.

I didn’t understand the weightiness, the urgency of Jesus--or Easter--or the cross.

I didn’t love Him with my whole heart.

I didn’t understand the depth of my need for Him.

And how did the Maker of my soul look on me then? How long did He yearn for me to understand?

Instead of roaring, "Don't you understand the importance of all this???", He dealt with me patiently.

While I peaked through eyelids halfway closed, He allowed pieces of His heart to shine in, through His Word and His people, ushering me slowly to a place of repentance, rest, quietness, and trust. He continues escorting me there, as I have such a hard time keeping my eyes fixed on Him and off of me.

So my Ressurection-Egg-Easter-Celebration turned into a little disaster, but maybe my plans needed to be altered a bit. Maybe later we'll hunt for ressurection eggs and share the Easter story in little bits and pieces. We can end with a piece of candy, and I can remind them how sweet it is to love and trust in Jesus. Yeah, that's a good plan...

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
But you would have none of it.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion,
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him.

Isaiah 30:15 & 18, NIV

Part 4 of 4--The Highway of Unfamiliar Exits

So the highway of life has been full of unfamiliar exits. I've always hated to drive in places I was unfamiliar with. As long as I can stay on the freeway, I'm good. But if I have to get off, I need step-by-step, thorough directions. That's just not the way real life is though.

Exit #1--We knew for months that God was calling us out of our current church, which we had grown to love for ten years. We continued to pray and stay put for a while, just to make sure God really wanted us to leave there and have a new start at a church plant.

We were very comfortable at our old church. There was nothing wrong with it. And we were surrounded by friends there. Why would God want to remove us from our comfort zone? But we knew He did, so we headed to a place where we recognized only a handful of faces, and watched God work.

Exit #2a & 2b--We fell in love with our new house over a year ago and promptly tried to forget about it. It didn't make sense to move with three small children, when our current house was wonderful. But instead, God just kept working out details in totally unexpected ways, and we moved forward.

Our beloved home sold in just over a month in a completely saturated market, and we praised the Lord for working out yet another detail. But then we moved our family into "the holding place," a tiny townhome near the new house, where we stayed for almost four months.

I felt like my entire life was on hold during that time. It was winter, and I hate the cold. There was nowhere to send the kids to play, so I was always tripping over them and their toys. Not enough outdoor time for them. Not enough sunshine for me. No room to make guests comfortable, so we had very few. Two thirds of our belongings were packed away. It was just a place to stay and not a home, and I had grown to love homey-ness!

It reminded me of one of my favorite children's books, "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. We were "headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place..." While I love the life lessons in that book, it turns out that the waiting place--while it stinks--is not entirely useless. God can do so much heart-work when we're in the waiting place, provided we listen.

Exit #3--Lastly, we lost a good friend to Heaven. God has done more in my heart through Kristi's life and death than almost anything else, ever. I will never forget singing Because He Lives (by William & Gloria Gaither) at her Memorial service with a thousand other people and knowing the truth of those words. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future; And life is worth the living, just because He lives. You can read more about Kristi's life here.

With all these unfamiliar exits, the only thing I've known to do was to seek God, over and over again. Seek Him in my excitement. Seek Him in my pain. Seek Him with my questions. He is so good to meet me with something I need each day--comfort, understanding, or peace.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1: 6-9, NLT

Part 3 of 4--The Highway Became A Bumpy, Wooden Rollercoaster

I've never thought I'd pray so hard about puppy dogs. But we came to a place in our lives where it looked like we would not be able to keep our dogs anymore. They were almost 9 when it began, and I prayed for half a year over it. Finally, when I felt like it was right, we jumped.


Only it didn't seem right. The people they went to live with were great. But the dogs weren't eating, and they were getting out into the woods behind their home, and I wasn't eating, and we had to pull the plug and get them back.


I held them so much more, and continued to wish we would never have to go through that again.


However, we were getting close to a big move, and it became clear again that it was best for them and best for us if they went to live with a new family. I won't go into all the details about why they had to go, but trust me, if there was any way for it to all work out, they would be right here beside me now. It's been 2 months now, and I'm still fighting tears.


I wish I could say that I've learned a few big things through this, and here they are: 1, 2, 3. But instead, I've learned how much it can hurt to love something and let it go. I've learned how painful separation can be. I've learned that I second-guess every big decision I make and that I doubt myself even when I believe God gives me answers. I've learned that I can have severely puffy eyes 11 days in a row, and that even when tears completely dry up, they replenish after a day or so. I've learned that losing your beloved puppies can hurt enough to give you heart palpitations and send you to Urgent Care for an EKG. And that if you cry either too much or too hard, your eye can develop a twitch that lasts for hours.


I feel a little ridiculous sharing all that with you, and I know that some people may not understand that puppies who come into your life just after you marry become part of your family, so you feel you've lost a part of your family and even a connection to the past you now hold fondly in your heart.




God gives us what we need when we need it. He gets us through the trials, and we learn to trust Him more. We learn we can trust Him. That's the beauty in it.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV

Part 2 of 4--Brake Lights On The Highway

I remember the day my husband called to tell me how his doctor appointment had gone. I was walking into Southpoint Mall in Durham, headed to the Picture Place with my three little people. Pictures are a stressful event for me with three. I do it about every 6 months purely for future enjoyment, but I've left there crying before because of the sheer lack of cooperation and concern the three little people have for them. The pictures, that is.

Uh, hum. Back to the hubby. He had been having some pain in his hip, and I figured he had been playing too hard for his body's good. No surprise for my husband!

"Well," he started, "the Doctor said, the good thing is, it's not cancer."

"What???" I startled, "That wasn't even a concern, was it?"

Apparently, it might have been, but neither of us knew. Instead, they told him he would probably need hip replacement surgery before he turned 35. However, he should put it off for as long as possible since replacement hips only last a decade or so and need to be re-replaced. Yikes.

It hit me hard over the coming weeks and months. My husband plays more than anyone I know. He works really hard too (he's owned a business since he was fresh out of college, so believe me, he works!). He's the kind of guy who never seems to need as much sleep as the rest of us, and he's always willing to get up at 4 am to head to the coast to surf or go to the woods to hunt; he's gotten up most every Saturday to play basketball at 7 am since we've been married; he rode his mountain bike, ran regularly with me and our kids in both single and double jog strollers, wakeboarded out on the lake, snowboards, golfs, plays tennis, and more.

Daniel loves life and knows how to enjoy it. I've always admired that about him.

His attitude throughout this diagnosis has been amazing. He looks at the bright side--he can still play golf and hunt and surf, even with a replacement hip. Those are all great things he can do with his boys. We can still take walks on the beach, or if worse comes to worse, I can push him in a wheelchair on the beach (if they make wheelchairs for the beach), and he says I'll enjoy it more anyway because it's harder exercise. :)

My attitude was not so graceful. This is not what I want, God! How can you let this happen to him, when he's dreamed for the last few years of all the ways he and Jace and Ryder will play together??? How can you take the fun guy with friends by the handful, many tied to one shared activity or another, and wipe out much of the activity? It just doesn't seem right.

I was really mad that he couldn't run with me anymore. Although I can't say hubby was particularly upset about that. Running has never been on his list of favorites because it's apparently just not "fun".

Part of the problem with my attitude was that I was walking through life with the expectation that we get to keep our health, at least until we're really old. I wouldn't have said that, but in my imagination, that was how it should work out.

Another part of the problem was the way I was viewing life on earth, and the way I saw Heaven. God knew this, for He knows my heart, and He was about to rock me with a string of events and to give me something to really look forward to.

Glory!

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
Colossians 3:1-4, The Message

Part 1 of 4--Life Was A Highway

The Lord above has been teaching me so much these last months. Years, really. Life had been rolling along smoothly. A little scare would crop up here and there, but nothing materialized into anything real difficult.

We were driving down the highway with the top down and the sun shining in, singing along to our favorite songs. That's how I see us back then. We were in our 20's, and we lived well. We took lots of trips. We entertained friends in our home. We worked hard and played hard. It was a good life. It was an easy life.

Toward the end of that decade, we had babies. Three awesome little blessings in four years. We continue to be overwhelmed with how good God has been to us through our children. We did nothing to deserve them.

After the babies came, we had a little scare. For me, it was actually a really big scare. A life and death scare. A chance to test the amount of faith in me. I walked around for two weeks after Skylar's birth, wondering if cancer was invading my body. Then I endured the needles in my neck for the biopsy. Needles are one of my great fears! But then, the phone call set me free. It was a nodule that mostly amounted to nothing.

But I wasn't really free. The Lord was just preparing me for more life, more tests, more faith, more trust. And he used that time to change me deep down.

One of the great outcomes of my cancer scare was that I started thinking about other people who are in pain, and my heart started to break for them. This life is hard for a lot of folks, and I just started seeing it, seeing them. We have it so plush and comfortable here, and I guess I developed a habit of looking away when things were too hard to see.

Hungry children. People with true physical difficulties. People who want more of God yet can't even own a Bible. Abused girls and women right here in the States. Emotional wounds affecting people's every day lives. People who don't know Jesus... It all started slapping me in the face on a weekly basis, and I stopped turning my head. I started asking God, "What can I do?"

I have so much still to learn here. Some great and beautiful truths are coming to light for me, and very sad realities too. In the next couple of posts, I will share with you a little of the journey I've been walking through and some of the things I'm learning. I don't plan to depress you, but God needed to break my heart for others. This is the road He has me on. I hope you will be encouraged!

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.

***For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.***

Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
1 John 3:17-18, NIV

She Speaks...He Speaks!

Last June, I attended the She Speaks Conference put on by Proverbs 31 Ministries in Concord North Carolina. It was one of the best weekends of my entire life. When I first heard about the conference, it was already full. But I put my name on the waiting list, and asked God to make a way for me to go.

A few weeks later, they notified me that more spots opened up, and it was a go! But the hotel was full, so I had to reserve a room down the road. Since I was headed there alone, I really wanted to stay at the conference hotel. Again I asked God to make a way for me to stay there.

Two days before I left, in the middle of Target, I heard a loud thought (God) say, "Go home and check with Embassy Suites." I went online, and my reservation went through. So I called the hotel directly, just to confirm. There had been two cancellations for a weekend that had been sold out for months, and the representative on the line assumed I was a lucky person.

But I knew it was God’s hand working out details of my life, and I shared that with the person on the line. I bubbled over with thankfulness that HE wanted me at She Speaks, enough to open up a spot from the waiting list and to save a room in the hotel just for me.

Driving down the road that Friday, I spent some time asking God one thing: Am I chasing MY dream, or Yours? Because if it was just mine, I didn’t want to want it anymore. I had learned some things about the publishing industry, and none of it seemed to be a good fit for me.

So on my way to She Speaks, I told the Lord, "I know I can write, but I just can't do that other stuff; I wouldn't even know how to. You know who I am Lord--the one people don't notice, the one people forget, the one who gets overlooked--so if you could just take this dream of sharing my words with the world away this weekend, my life would feel a lot easier."

It didn't seem like the right prayer to pray on my way to a writer's conference, but it was my heart that day. A big part of me thought He was going to take away my dream of being a writer while I was there, and I went into the conference that afternoon feeling free.

The first night, one of my favorite speakers and writers, Lysa Terkeurst, opened up with a message called, "Developing the Character to Match my Calling". After a couple of stories from her life that were oh-so-similar to my own, she talked about David. Would you believe that the first point she made was this: "David was OVERLOOKED by everyone else but hand-picked by God."

In a room that seemed filled with Him, God taught me that He has used all the events of my life, even those little moments that made big impressions on me, and the days I felt up to my elbows in dirty diapers and baby food, to prepare and equip me for the jobs He'll give me to do. Oh, and just maybe, I’m still there, in the fields of everyday life, still being prepared for what He’ll do through me.

Before dinner Saturday night, I went running in the blanket of heat that is summer in North Carolina, and again, I prayed. "Lord, I am going back and forth about embracing this calling right now. Sometimes I feel sure that You made me to write, and other times I think it was just for my journal. Will you give me something to confirm that you have called me to do this? Like you did for Gideon--you gave him several things that could ONLY have been YOU. Can you just give me something like that, because then I won't doubt it?"

I went on to recount the times I thought God had already called me to write for His purposes. “I really do feel like Gideon right now, asking for another confirmation,” I said, “but I just need to know this is You and not just me."

At dinner, I met up with some girls I had met the first night for some awesome worship and great conversation. Then Renee Swope delivered a message called "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt."

After making us roll with laughter, she said, "Ladies, let's open up to Judges 6. We're going to look at a guy called Gideon." And I cried. The girls at my table must have wondered what was so emotional about opening Bibles to the book of Judges.

All I could think about was that God planned this for me long ago. He knew the prayers I would pray earlier that day, the doubts, the questions. He prompted Renee to prepare this message for the conference, and for me. His love not only reaches to the heavens. That night, it filled the place. It filled me.

Later that night, I found myself in a spa-like room labeled, The Prayer Room, where God met me again, loud and clear, just me and Him. He used a lady who I had never met before to pray some words over me about my worth in God’s eyes and His purposes for me. I might have called the experience strange, only I knew better by then. It was God using her to speak His words! I had no doubt about that.

I went to She Speaks, asking for confirmation of my calling--or my non-calling rather--and God gently reminded me over and over that it was not about ME at all, but about Him. He gave me signs to confirm that I am called, and I should keep moving in that direction.

If you are a speaker or writer or women’s ministry leader (or if you want to be any of those things), consider coming to She Speaks this year! You can find out more about the scholarship they are giving away here: She Speaks Scholarship. I encourage you to pray about it and GO. I feel certain you’ll find God there, and you just might never be the same!

A Life Lived Well

I have tried several times over the last couple of weeks to post something, anything, just to stay alive in the blog world. And while I have several drafts sitting in the queue, nothing seems post-worthy.

I had a friend, and she was much like me. A wife, daughter, mommy, sister, friend, lover of God... She entered the hospital a few months ago and gave birth to her 3rd baby. She had been in a considerable amount of pain, and we had been counting down the days until his arrival, assuming the pains would go away.

But instead. The course of her life changed in a day. Precious baby came, but the pain didn't go away. It increased. Multiplied. Like the cancer throughout her body. A long, dark road opened up, and she and her family were forced to walk on it.

We prayed for a miracle like never before, knowing full well that she was in the hands of our Lord and Savior, the One who gave us life and determined when each of our earthly lives would come to a close.

On Friday, the road took another turn, and Kristi went to meet Jesus. I am having a hard time believing that this friend who I spoke with several times a week just a few months ago is no longer with us. Tomorrow, I will attend her Memorial and a graveside service. I'm sure that tomorrow, it will be real.

Today, I'm spending time learning from her life. She inspired me to so many good things, each one bringing me closer to the Maker of my soul. Today, I realize I've just witnessed the ending of a life well-lived. There is only a legacy left behind now, but it's exactly the kind of legacy I would hope to leave behind in this world.

God used Kristi to bring Him glory while she walked on this earth. I don't think she knew the extent of her godly influence on all those she rubbed shoulders with.

Through Kristi's life and death, God is teaching many of us more about trust, and even misplaced trust. He is causing us to love our loved ones better and reach out to those we meet in an effort to point them toward Jesus. He is reminding us that we are not guaranteed 80 years on this earth, but that we have today, and we need to live our time well. He is teaching us about our priorities, our goals, our desires. Reminding us what is perishable and what is not.

Kristi had an urgency about wanting people to know Jesus and wanting believers to live the life God offered them. She found creative ways to reach out to people, regardless of her stage in life. She was as real and human as any of us, and yet she loved Jesus and loved to talk about Him. And I never once observed in her a love of material possessions.

I am unable to record here all the admirable things about Kristi. But that's not what she would want anyway. The reason for Kristi being such an amazing person was that she was sold out--on fire--in love with--the Lord Above.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16, NIV

Be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. 1 Corinthians 15:58, NLT

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple. I Psalm 27:4, NIV

In It To Win It!

Is it ever difficult for you to jump into the Word of God, to really devour the words and study them for a while? Maybe you've realized that it is truly a discipline, to be a daily Bible-studyer, and discipline is simply not easy. The distractions of daily life war against our time with God.

And yet, don't you desire a life lived well? Do you beg God to help you be patient and gentle when your life is spinning circles around you? Do you wish for wisdom when you have tough choices to make? Do you realize your need for stillness, peace, and contentment?

Do you realize your need?

When I need help, I often look for the answers around me, even though I want what the Word offers. I make resolutions. I talk to friends. I read books, lots of books. I declare my decision to turn it around and do things a different way. Then, I pray about my plans and offer them to the God of the universe.

But by then, I’ve been running, a hundred miles an hour, in the wrong direction. My direction.

When I study the Word of God, when I dig deeper, and I stay still, to think about it, to listen to it, I find answers there for the life I live today.

The truth is, if I want to live well, I need this letter from God, every single day, woven into my life. Yet at times, I’ve given away my quiet time to extra work or extra sleep, to procrastination, a workout, or a TV show. Things worth little compared to the value of my time with God.

I remember the years when my two boys were still babies. They were born just over a year apart, and I will admit now that those were some hard years! I tried to pull it off smoothly each day and do all the things I thought a Mama should do. Eventually, I learned to be honest--my life was more like a wooden rollercoaster ride than a smooth sail.

During those years, I took a lot of shortcuts. I could be through the shower and have my hair dried and makeup on in 20 minutes flat. In the kitchen, my theme was "the quicker, the better". The only shortcut I learned with laundry was "never fold it when the boys are awake". They could blaze through 13 piles in 2 seconds flat, unfolding and desorting in one fell swoop.

But I also took some shortcuts in my time with the Lord. Too many days, I sat on the edge of the bathtub once I was "ready", ingested a few verses and quickly ran off to get the little guys out of bed and start the day. There was plenty of background noise in the form of "Maaaama...Mommy...MAMA!" during those "quiet" times.

Obviously, life has seasons, and that time when you're home with little ones is more of a survival time than one in which you thrive. But there are plenty of seasons of life where time and discipline are hard to come by. For me, there had to be a change. Because a lack of God's Word, a lack of really soaking it up, will take it’s toll.

Do you remember the little Sunday School song where we used to squat down real low to the ground and then come up just a little with each "grow" until we bloomed into a whopping four foot tall human being? Go ahead, sing along now: "Read your Bible, pray every day, pray every day, pray every day. Read your Bible, pray every day, and you'll grow, grow, grow. And you'll grow, grow, grow, and you'll grow, grow, grow..."

You could also reverse it, and if you don't read your Bible and pray every day, then you'll shrink, shrink, shrink.

So here’s to growth, to God’s Word, to being still, to looking to the One who gave us life. It’s basic, and some of us have heard it from the time we could read, but this book will make all the difference in our lives.

If we’re in it.

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does.
James 1:25

Go Boldly * 2009

A group of blind people gathered in a hotel room this morning to praise God and pray, and we all walked out of there with clear vision. Seriously though, I know the blind people joke is horrible, but we must have heard jokes like that hundreds of times during the early years of owning our "Budget Blinds" business. Customer after customer would open the door and say something cheesy like, "It's the "blind" man, honey...but don't worry, he found the door!" :)

We are in Orlando this week, at our annual Budget Blinds convention. For the second year, Dan has organized a prayer meeting for anyone who wanted to get up early and come together. This year, we lifted up the founders of our company and other key players; we prayed for the Obamas and other leaders of our country; and we prayed for each other and for the courage to go boldly back into the world and light it up.

We talked about ways to share our faith within our business. Some pray for opportunities--divine appointments--just before they arrive at each consultation with customers. Others ask each client if they can pray for them or with them. Others look for a reason to strike up a conversation about the Bible, and they find that people are really searching right now.

It's refreshing to meet Christ followers from across the country who are devoting their business lives to the Lord. Our lives can look very different and yet, we are all very similar. We go through trials, we experience joys, we have the same basic needs, and are all made in the image of Jesus Christ, our great God and Saviour.

There was a lot of talk and prayer this morning about sharing our faith, about the missionfield that we have in this business where we meet with customers in their homes, and about using this economic slowdown as a time to get our focus where it needs to be, on the Lord. It wasn't until the end that someone mentioned the theme Corporate chose for this whole convention. It's usually something like "the sky's the limit" or "A B C's for Success". This year, the theme is "Go BOLDLY!"

And now there's a group of us who see that theme as a charge, from the Spirit of God who was in that room with a group of believers this morning, in a different way from the rest of the conference attendees.

You may not be a blind person. Maybe you're a foodservice person or a kid person or an office person or a classroom person or a computer person or a medical person. But no matter what you are, this year's theme can be Go Boldly! Pray for opportunities, and keep your eyes open. Be willing to take them.

So I bow in prayer before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name. I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God.

With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21, NCV

What Do You Do With Loss?

Everyone suffers loss. Maybe you have lost something important, or maybe knowing you will nags at you. The thing is, losses come in all shapes and sizes. Loss of a dream you planned your life around. Loss of someone you loved. Loss of a pet who was always by your side. Loss of physical function you used to have. Loss of your life the way you knew it. It doesn't matter the type of loss, it just hurts.

I've sufferred some losses lately. And even though I am blessed to have my husband, my children, my family, and others still beside me, the loss has ripped a piece of my heart out. I've been on my knees, throwing it at the feet of Jesus, feeling comforted in His great arms. And I've dropped to the floor, crushed by reality, my tears unstoppable.

Have you been there? At that place where grief takes over, your hope in Christ flickers in the background, the "here and now" reality sets in like a cloud, the darkness heavy on your shoulders. You ask Him with shaky voice, "What do I do with this?" And you grieve over your loss. You feel the pain with only a small ray of hope that you'll get up off this floor and feel good again, get past it, over it, or move on in spite of missing them.

It's lonely here, in the place where loss meets life, even if there are others showering you with hugs and prayers. Because the way you deal with the pain is different from every other person. The way it hits you is all your own, the pain is yours.

Except for the One who knows you inside and out. He will fill the empty places, the hole that feels raw and wide open in your heart. Only He can do that anyway. He's the only One who lasts forever. He is not fading away, the way our loved ones are, the way we are. And He loves you and longs to fill your emptiness.

Sometimes my tendency is to put hope in the people around me. I can see them. They make me feel known and loved and good. They care for me and help me to feel less lonely. But still, I feel unsure. Because they are no more sure and certain than I am. As David said in Psalm 39, Everyone's life is but a breath.

So my hope in them falls short. Their life, like mine, is fading. And then I choose to hope in the Lord. Trust in the Lord. Those words I memorized when I was five, they mean so much more now. I didn't understand. I said I trusted the Lord, but I didn't fully understand.

I used to think that trusting God was a one-time event. I placed my trust in Jesus Christ for my eternal salvation. But because life is full of difficult moments (trials, you might call them), I realize now that trust is something we do day after day. I can respond to my pain by trusting in all kinds of different things, or I can trust in the Lord.

It's often in moments of grief that I learn to trust Him. Trust that the God who made me loves me and has my life in His hands, my loved ones' lives in His hands. Trust that life is so much bigger and more important than me and the life I live on earth. Trust that God is good, and He is worthy of my focus and attention, day in and day out. Trust that even though all that is true, He cares for me.

He hears your cry and sees your pain and knows how it feels to you. Trust Him.

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:8

Deceit

Do you ever fall into a pit and fit it hard to climb your way back out? It's a horrible place to be, and you stay for a while before you realize you are there again. Then you run to the Rescuer, and maybe it takes running to Him, away from the pit, more times than one, before you understand that He has rescued you. Again.

I find myself in that pit every now and then. Each time, I can't believe I fell in again. My pit is dark and depressing, full of the evil one's deceptions. They take over my life, and they're incredibly personal. They build on pieces and parts of my past and seem horribly true. But I don't want them to be, and I struggle against them. Until I start living as if I believe them, unaware that the lies are swallowing me. Again.

I am reading a book called The New Eve, by Robert Lewis. But I had put it down for a while, for the holidays and the busyness, and when I picked it up again, it was timely. I am reading about how Eve was deceived by Satan, into thinking that there was something better out there than what God had planned for her. Eve left that tendency to us, you know. Well I know. At least the part about being deceived by the evil one.

John 10:10 calls him a thief who comes only to steal and kill and destroy. Sisters, the evil one wants to destroy our lives, and he is working at it. Especially when we've given our hearts to the King. That's when he looks for anything, little snippets of our past. Something hurtful someone said that we remembered. He can build on that. Reinforce it. Make it feel true. When it's not.

But Christ has come. For us! The rest of John 10:10 says I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I've heard this verse so many times in my life, but right now, I'm experiencing it. The Rescuer is alive and at work, and HE overcomes the evil one. Will you run from your pit, along with me?

Psalm 31:2 Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.